Jguy. Let's try again. I see in your response to my posts that you take what you want from what's posted.
I don't think most people would take I'm calling you stupid when I actually posted , I don't think your stupid. But Jguy did Lets just take that example. I post one thing and you read another Who is at fault there, seriously , who ? I didn't infer anything , I actually posted " I don't think your stupid " but Jguy read between the lines and found I was calling you stupid
Take the above paragraph on its own Why would you take one thing when I posted the exact opposite
My surprise at your asking W is that this person lies to you on a regular basis and you have proved this. Why ask her In her Wayward state anything she says could have an alternative agenda.
Jguy. We could go back and forth with this and unless you accept that you have issues why would we ?
You take things as hurtful and I see them as one adult attempting to explain to another Your 39 and I'm 50 , do we have to pick our words because we are afraid to hurt each other's feelings ? I'm very sensitive but im also an adult and have to accept that the world isn't sugar coated and fair all of the time
This site advises a way to dea with this nightmare we are going through and it works for a lot of people You can cherry pick the parts that make to feel good and are acceptable to you or you can follow the process. One way will possibly work and the other might possibly work but normally a process needs to be followed. No one is asking you to do anything wild or crazy , just follow a process and take advice that may seem counter productive
Humilty is a virtue I admire in a person and it's not a trait that comes naturally to me I think I'm a good , kind , balanced person with empathy for others and maybe a too high opinion of my own intellect BUT in the real day to day world my employees would call me ( and have ) a controlling , micro managing , bully that gets his way or creates merry hell. And I'm probably being kind to myself
I mention humility because you seem to lack any , again you will see this as hurtful , it's not , every post is about Jguy and his problems From birth , to W not accepting that the M to Jguy is not worth saving.
I also have these thoughts Jguy , my W is facing harsh realities without me and I honestly don't understand why BUT I accept it and don't try to change her
You never post on anyone' else's threads , why , lack of empathy as you posted a while back ? But then we are back to the Shaman getting you completely wrong but you didn't think they did
Jguy. Step back from any hurt or feelings that I'm not on your side , just for a minute Your 'M has failed because your W cheated on you and does not find you attractive ( she may say she never did but obviously that's rubbish ) How much of the M breakdown is Jguys fault , seriously , how much ???
Do you come accros as controlling in the M ? W said you do push for agreement to a point , COULD this be seen as controlling ? To you it isn't BUT could W see it this way. I see it this way but you don't
You use words like Hero and when you removed the key logger , you said you did it to keep your integrity , you put it on without integrity but somehow when you removed it you had integrity. Please don't misunderstand , I think you needed to put it on to comfirm your suspicions and I saw no lack of integrity at all but you seems to think by removing it you showed integrity , I'm not sure why
I'm going to stress this again , I'm in your side and I think your W is way out of order with her choices BUT unless you accept your faults and issues ( that we all have in our Ms ) then how can you hope to have a healthy R ???
I hope you accept what I'm trying to convey with this post We are adults and we need to accept that advice is given , if the recipient of that advice feels it is hurtful , they can leap to their own defence and take none of the advice or they can take the advice like an adult and take any good they see in the advice and filter the tone / perceived tone out
PLEASE Jguy , if you actually read what I and others have posted , it's DB 101 , no one is asking you to sell your soul to the devil for magic beans , we are asking you follow the books and we are asking you to stop chasing instant answers because you are racing down cheeseless tunnels and focusing on the completely wrong areas
I think it's best I leave it there Read the books and follow the advice be an adult and accept your reality. It's very tough but you will get through this
Validation is nice but not always possible because sometimes we are wrong
