I know that he's already gone. frown. I have stopped begging, pleading, crying, etc. Haven't done any of that since he ended it the second time. And, then, it was only a brief thing just that night and not again after that. Any of the "checking on him" that I do, he doesn't know about and I will never admit it to him.
He may not know you are "checking on him" but that's not the point. You do. And by allowing him real estate in your head, you are making yourself more unhappy. I know it isn't easy for any of us, but we really only hurt ourselves by obsessing over them. Besides...your thoughts and feelings come out in your attitude, demeanor, and body language. You are telling your H far more than you realize without even saying a word. Focus on things that are going to build you up and make you feel better...not what's going to drag you down and make you even sadder. Your PMA will shine through and THAT will be attractive to H.
Originally Posted By: - MB -
And, in response to what you wrote, I ALREADY AM the most attractive option for him right now. You should see the OW! What in the world does he see in her? WHY would he ever pick her over me? I have so much more going for me than she does. I will never understand what he's thinking.
MB, I am certain you are fabulous! But I wasn't just talking about physical attractiveness or superficial stats. People don't leave relationships where their needs are being met. That's not saying it's your fault or you did anything wrong (although I think we all have room to improve and grow), but for whatever reason, OW is meeting a need for your H that he wasn't finding in your M. Like with my H, the woman he had an A with was very plain in appearance and grossly obese. I don't mean to sound unkind, but she was not a conventionally attractive woman by any means. But she knew how to stroke his ego and build him up as a man during a time when I was offering him disapproval. I've always been complimented on my appearance, am college educated, and am in a professional field. OW had a high school education and a part time job in retail. But that did not keep my H from straying to her. His need for validation was stronger than anything on our respective "resumes." When I say be the most attractive option, I mean as a person who can meet your H's needs. No one wants to come home to a sad sack of a person who can't offer them a reason to be there. You have lots of things going for you and that is terrific. So what reasons can you give him to want to be there? What needs can you meet? Can you be more attractive and accomplished than OW AND meet the needs that OW is filling? Just some food for thought...
