Wife is in love with another man

[Zues126]

Shreeve, there was no slap in the face, just trying to explain that encouraging someone to go be happy wasn't always the loving thing to do.

There is definitely no chance that my wife will suffer loss that makes her recognize the truth about her decision. The work to repair the marriage would be 10x harder than getting the divorce. That doesn't mean I wouldn't do the work, but I realize that she will not.

Don't get into the fortune telling business. You don't know what your W is or isn't capable of. It's actually pretty diminishing that you don't think she's capable of doing something that requires maturity or introspection.

And no, rebuilding a marriage isn't 10 times harder than divorce. Sure, a fling with another person is easier in the moment...but divorce is so devastating people never even fully process the loss. They try for a few years, then they just leave it alone because it's like trying to understand the size of the universe. It is greater than we can comprehend.

This reality will affect WAW too. She can run but no one escapes the impact of D. Of course you're right in that she might not come back, and many don't if you look around, so it's a good idea to move forward with your life. But live in the present and let the future be a blank canvas.

I am at the point of acceptance (I hope)

This is really telling to me. Your reg date is 12/16 and you are talking about being in acceptance? You are telling your wife to 'go be happy'?

Shreeve...what I suspect is going on is that you have a super, super, super strong defense mechanism that protects you against negative emotions. I know, because you're looking at someone that has walked that walk. To look at a situation like this and know intellectually that it would devastate other people but then to conclude that is 'unnecessary' to feel that way, after all what's the benefit of suffering, the logical thing to do is to accept the facts and shrug and move along with your life, so that's what we'll do. It's called dissociation, where the emotions are unplugged.

I could write a lot about my experience with dissociation, but I'd rather YOU write a lot about it. Tell us more about this.

The problems are twofold: 1) the emotions DON'T go away, they keep trying to come back, and the longer you wall them off, the more problems they cause, and 2) you won't be able to have a truly intimate relationship with other human beings because people won't be able to connect with you.

You're talking to someone that watched his children grow up on the other side of a thick glass window, never able to connect, touch, or bond for 10 years. I nearly lost my opportunity to be a dad until I found out more about this. So this is no joke to me. And I've seen many signs of this in you.

At what point in your life did you decide emotions were inconvenient?