Walked into the arena, decided to do a loop on the concourse. There was the sow. i mean I get that you don't like OW. But I don't think that calling her names is helping you move forward. You seem stuck thinking that if it weren't for OW, then you would be the happy couple again. I'm not sure that's necessarily true. Even if they break up right now, that doesn't mean your R with W will improve any. How can you remove your focus from OW?
We passed each other. Caught each other's eye. She looked like sh!t. I swear, she did not look good. Then my friend and I stopped and we're looking over the arena, and up behind me comes W. She pats me on the shoulder and continues walking. Friend and I head back around, and there is sow sitting high up in all her ugly a$$ glory. Frizzy mouse brown hair. I swear, Wonka, I was rocking the leather jacket, cool scarf, black boots, curly hair, stylin'. So I go down the aisle, catch sow's eye and glare, and she actually tries a little wave. To continue, this feels like you're trying to compete with OW. Why bother? We all know she's beneath you. What are you trying to prove by giving mean stares? W and OW will just go home and laugh about it. Why give them even the time of day?
I kept on, right down to court side and sat with friends in chairs right on the floor. ( I still have my 'family of athletic department staff pass'.) Hugged friends, laughed, like I owned the place. W is sitting up in the stands opposite me. Sow is who knows where. I never saw her again. She may have left. Game was awful. AND I was self- conscious the whole time. Friend and I left early, went out for a beer and we both cried over our lost loves. All in all, quite the pitiful evening actually. I sincerely hate this drama. I just want my old life back and I miss my W so much. Screamed profane words all the way home in my car. Throat hurts. Feel like crying some more. This absolutely blows. Not sorry I went to the game, but oh this blows. yes. It certainly does blow. There's nothing really that can prepare you for it. But that doesn't mean that going backwards is an option. And who is to say that the life you led is better than the life you will lead? I know, for me, it wasnt. I'm telling you, you have to give W and OW physical, mental and emotional space. That's the only way you will break through and start healing.
I look forward to the day when you won't be able to tell me whether W walked by your office.
