Well today is gonna be a bad day. He called just to yell at me for misplacing the bill that I handed to him and he left at our house. Most likely one of my toddlers got it and it got thrown away. Very very angry today towards me. I wasnt sure what to say besides Im sorry that I misplaced it. I wasnt sure what else to do in that situation. Maybe validate instead of saying Im sorry I could have said I understand why you are upset that I misplaced the bill? I don't know. I went from really looking forward to seeing him and missing him to almost wishing hee wasnt coming by to visit the children because I almost fee like I'm going to start crying and be a Emotional which would ruin all my progress of being happy when hes around
Cadet- I'm trying. I don't understand why one day I'm great at being detached and another day I'm horrible and just worried about him and how to make him happy.
I think I semi good today. When he came, I gave him alone time with the kids while I organized stuff in my room. He eventually came into our room and tackled me onto the bed to ask what I'm doing. I told him just organizing then left to go do stuff in the kitchen. He kinda followed me around but I tried being nice but distant.
I failed at the end when he wanted a hug. Instead of normal hug he lifted me up into his arms with my legs around his waist and put his head against my forehead. I know I need to set boundaries. Im just not good at it..I wish I knew what he was thinking but I know I can't ask about us.
My marriage therapist says that he's like the weather. Changes his mind many times a day or week and until he talks I need to try to keep focusing on me and kids. Its so much easier said then done. I can't wait until I have a job..at least to distract me.
Maybe there IS another women.. He came over at 8 am with donuts from a city over (opposite) of where he is staying. I shouldn't have asked but I said casually ( the address is huge on the box) these are new. We've never been there..its kinda out of the way from our house but they are delicious donuts. He said he didnt spend the night at his parents then went into our room to lay down. I really think there might be someone.
I think its over. He said he was worked he was giving mixed signals and he still 100% wants a divorce and says we are just friends and Thats how he wants to be. That when I get a job we can figure out the divorce. Heis willing to wait 6 months aka until June until we file just to make sure. Hes 100% sure hes never loved me either. I need to really start over. I think I had to much hope I didn't really think I had and was broken all over again today. Where do I start. Back at day 1 detaching? I told him the next time he wants to talk about us its either hand me divorce papers or tell me you are coming home. I had a few tears but didn't cry cry.
