Every one who has posted here is right, unfortunately your H is gone. If he was to file tomorrow, how could this change your every day life? Not a thing! I know it's hard because like you I was afraid of letting go, felt worthless and so on. This isn't something that we can overcome in a flash, I'm learning to be patient. Let the emotions run through you ( easier said than done), do what you have to do to make you happy (one little thing a day, then gradually built it up!). It's so hard what we all are going through here, but believe me you are being looked after and your path is being shone bits by bits.
On Valentine's day it'd a year that I found out about STBXH's A, I never thought that I'd get through it, I was very wrong. One year one, still have issue with trust but I'm definitively in a better place. I'd not want to go back to my old life. I didn't like changes, unfortunately it was brought up on me. I was scared of letting go and was wondering how I would survive. I'm not surviving any more, I'm embracing every day. There are ups and down (in general more ups).
Give yourself time, start little, let go, believe that you are being looked after and mainly stop driving by his house as this only increase your pain.
