It all blew up so fast. W is a stay @ home mom and began role playing in an online game. At first it was innocent, but after a few weeks it became an obsession. I noticed that she was spending more and more time with specific OM's. We had arguments, she said I was insecure and blamed it on my trust issues which I was in therapy for. I found out after two months that she had in fact been doing erotic role play "ERP". I wanted her to delete the game and stop, but she said she was sorry and that it didn't mean anything, she said that if I made her delete the game that she would resent me and might "do something else". Looking back I should have been more insistent. I wanted to show her that I could trust her and would take her word that she would stop playing with the OM and not “ERP”. Over the next month we had multiple arguments when I would see things and I would lose my temper (never physical) and I spent my fair share of time in hotels for a couple nights at hotels. At the time I thought I was over reacting to things only to end up begging her , I'm sorry, I'll change etc. to let me come home (all the wrong things). She has been staying with her family for one month now and comes to the house during the day when I'm at work to watch our kids. She wants a divorce but has never said the word divorce. She is planning her new life and I am in limbo. I want to save this marriage. I know there are issues that are the real problem and the game was the effect of them. I have been following advice that mirrors to what I saw from Sandi2 and we are civil with each other. She even has dinner cooked when I get home (something she rarely did before) but she rushes right out the door as soon as I get there. I only want her to care about our marriage and show me she values it and wants to fix. She says she can't wait for me to get better and that I don't get her. I have distanced and doing the things I saw on a post from Sandi2 (I think) but the gap just continues to widen between us and she now spends even more time with the OM playing, via skype, text, and is even “Married” in the game. She is not sorry and said she will never apologize. I feel like my only option is to let her go. I can't fix this if she doesn't want to. I'm just waiting to get served once she finds a job. I really need some advice. Picking up DB today
R 13 years M 8 years S8 & S4 BD ........soon!?
Last edited by Cadet; 01/29/1612:07 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Hi, welcome aboard. Have you read the 37 rules and the threads about wayward wives? I hope you will, and also read the other links Cadet posted. They have valuable information to help you get started.
What are you ages? How long together? Kids ages?
Hope you post every day.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Question about wedding rings, if the W has moved out and is wearing her ring on the right hand, should I be wearing mine? Also, lets say we get to the point that she says she wants to reconcile....how do I handle that to not appear to eager?
Thanks for the quick reply cadet. I want to wear the ring and will wear it, but was sure if it would be the "wrong" thing to do. Probably just overthinking things...I am sure no one ever does that here.
Being in Limbo is KILLING ME. I want to ask her to go to therapy, I want to ask her to fight for our marriage. I want to try so many things. Being separated has been such a drastic thing for me that I can finally see my faults and the things that I can do better in our marriage. I just feel like I should fight for our marriage and not just sit on the bench and wait to see where the chips fall.
