Sounds like a great start Rednail! I am gaining a lot of knowledge just reading similar situations on these boards. We are not alone, a lot of people are in the same boat. Keep updating and hope you continue to do well!
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
I think my First goals for FEBUARY will be- Take the CNA classes I have been wanting to take(I signed up for monday!) Start going to zumba,( I have been saying I have wanted to go for months now, just haven't.) and Continue to exercise, eat healthy, make sure I look nice and feel good about myself. Have NO expectations from my separated husband, I think you guys use WAS for walk away spouse?
That said, why are you sleeping in the same bed and snuggling and such? It seems like you are allowing him the beenfits of being married after he said he didnt want to be married anymore.
Azzork- That is a good point. (DON'T SHOOT BUT..) Up until maybe a week ago I was still sleeping with him. In my head I thought, maybe it means he cares. Maybe if he comes home to me and still wants me then maybe he's not going elsewhere. The night he came home was around 1:30 am. I thought he was going to sleep on the couch or something so when he came into our room to snuggle and kiss my face, hold my hand, and just be there..I just accepted it. I KNOW deep down I should have rolled over and told him to go away, it was just the first time in SUCH a long time that he wanted to snuggle that I caved. I REALLY need to work on that. I also stopped having sex with him because I then started to worry maybe he is ONLY coming home because i'm an easy person who won't say no, and it has NOTHING to do with anything besides sex. That's when I was like..alright I need to just say no and stop.
These are good in concept. But I think you need to be more measurable. How will you know if you are 'giving him space'? What discrete actions are you going o do or not do? Try to make your goals as specific and measurable as possible. That way you can look back and really judge whether you accomplished them.
That's a good question. I don't actually know If I am giving him enough space. I think I am. He works overnights and sleeps all day. He only see's me when he comes to our house. I only talk to him when he calls or texts me. Do you have any suggestions on how to come up with more measurable ways to KNOW if i'm giving enough space?
My OTHER question is, he ALWAYS hugs me before he leaves the house. Should I stop that?
The last time I saw him, didn't get up to hug him, I sat in my chair and said bye. He went, unlocked the door, turned around marched back to my chair and was like common give me my hug. It confuses me.
We also talk everyday, either he texts me or calls me about the kids OR something random. One day he called to tell me he wanted to replace his windshield and it was a completely RANDOM..phone call.
For example:Last night he called to ask about the kids, mentioned some stuff the happened about work, told me he couldn't sleep and didn't feel well. I tried to be nice and use validation. Not sure if I did a good job. He didn't ask anything about me just told me about himself and what's going on with him, kinda like an update? I don't know. He didn't want to talk to the kids, he said he would call them later and he did. I just don't know if I SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be having these calls. Sometimes he calls from work to tell me something he could tell me in a text or person, like I might work overtime next Wednesday but I'm not sure yet until Sunday type thing.
I think today might be the first day we dont talk. Its making me emotional and I don't know why. I mean, if we divorced we would rarely talk besides Pick up kids x,y, return on z.
Sorry if I missed it, but let me ask...is your husband having an affair?
I think there are big differences in how you handle a partner that is acting this way if you KNOW they are in an affair versus if they're just gone wacky.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
No I don't think he is. He is a corrections officer so he works overnights, spends his days off at home or his parents (where he stays) and sleeps all day. Before the separation our typical day was.. Leaves for work at 6:30 pm comes home by 9:30 am sleeps from 9:30 until 5:39-6 wakes up, gets on uniform,spends a few minutes with us then out the door. His parents tell me he's always there and doesnt do anything but hangout in him room.When he does go out he usually 80% tells me Im going to x and z even if I don't ask. If there was a physical affair id be VERY surprised where he found time. Emotional..I really don't think so but I'm not 100% since how can I bre with him gone. Half his co workers don't even know we are separated only a few and a few family members.
Last night was the first time in 7 treats that we didnt talk. We literally talked everyday we dated, then moved in with eachother and bought a house and always saw each other. Even separated hes always called or texted so it hurt. Today he had a MAJOR attitude and we only talked for 1 minute about him dropping off money for groceries and paying a bill. I feel like maybe he noticed I speed calling or texting and is mad about having to always be the one to find or reach out. I don't know...
