I would say, just be pretty busy with your own stuff, or non-committal when she asks. You could say - sure that might be nice - and then not mention it again. Then be busy if she asks again etc. If you minimise contact anyway, there may not be much opportunity for her to ask anyway..
Take care
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Another thing is If I keep ignoring her, she could say to my children "I have asked your father to be civil and be friends but your father just ignores me" How do you combat that? I still feel a little uneasy about treating her this way, even though I know it's probably best. Im still not 100% positive about the EA/PA. It's a real bitch not knowing for certain.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Another thing is If I keep ignoring her, she could say to my children "I have asked your father to be civil and be friends but your father just ignores me" How do you combat that? I still feel a little uneasy about treating her this way, even though I know it's probably best. Im still not 100% positive about the EA/PA. It's a real bitch not knowing for certain.
You don't need to catch her in the act. She continued an inappropriate relationship with a man during the period of time she separated from you. This is an affair. Whether they sexted, kissed, or bumped uglies is irrelevant. Don't bother snooping. You're better off not knowing anyway. Her circus.
As for what she tells the children, you combat that by being the man you should be. There is a saying "what someone tells you about someone else says more about the person telling it than the person they are talking about". If your WAW bad mouths you to the kids that will only reveal HER issues. Not yours. You will be judged by what YOU do.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Thanks Zues Got my daughters birthday coming up next week. Ill have to start organising that. An other interesting encounter. Hope she remembers it's a day for our D to enjoy!
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Just thought I would drop in. Had dinner with WW last sat. She is still pushing the friends bit, wants to do stuff and all that, but still dose not want relationship. I actually felt sad and strong at the same time, while I was with her, strong because for the first time I really did not feel any connection to her, I was not effected by her presence I was in control and she was edgy she is loosing her power over me. I'm not buying the friendship thing, I'm going NC and as dark as I can, I'm fed up with it. I'm doing OK with my GAL and the anxiety is almost non existent, I don't want to keep messing with my emotions, I feel she is doing her best to cake eat, I am not going to let her "have it all" Her farm stay has been rescheduled due to double booking, so she could attend my D birthday, D told her she is not welcome, this will be the first time she will be excluded from a family gathering.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Zues posted this on Brokes thread. I liked it, I think this was a part of my problem.
This won't bring him back to the marriage. You are going to have to learn a new way to operate if you want to fight for your marriage. The heart of zapping is controlling, the heart of controlling is neediness, needing him to be a certain way and feeling hurt if he doesn't live up to your expectations. In my M this was because I wasn't ok on my own, and wanted XW to be my emotional security blanket. When I found my own happiness without XW it was easy for me to let her live her own life. It's a process, but one you need to continue to pursue.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
If she asks to do something all you have to do is say "thanks for the invite but I have a lot going on and can't go". Just act busy, better yet, BE busy. It can be anything. For instance, you could be studying for something. Like, a certification of some kind. Takes up a lot of your free time and can't be monitored.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Ha It's funny, I asked her to drop by to go over some bills and sort out some paperwork but she text back and said she was busy! How am I going handle this, post them to her?
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
