WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE Part II

[SciDad]

Lots of mistrust that she's really NC. She's upset that I spied on her, and says she needs some form of privacy to express herself, that I should just 'trust' her. She is having a tough time with transparency, and how we can trust each other. She's not ready to admit to herself just how much trust I've lost in her, and how much work she needs to do to built it back.

I got the same response from my wife. I know she doesn't get it so I just told her I needed time to work on it and don't tell her how hard it is for me to trust her. All it does is push her away, so I try to work out my issues without her. I think there will be a point where your wife realizes how much she hurt you and how hard it is for you to trust her. The problem is that She needs to get there on her own and you can't speed up the process (actually, it only slows it down when you remind her). My approach was just to say that we'd be in a holding pattern while she works on her immediate issues, then let it drop. If she brings anything up on how we're not moving forward, I will remind her the reason, but gently. Not the best solution, but all I could think of.

I should just 'trust' her like before the affair. I keep telling her she's got work to do... I think she feels so depressed, and like the mountain to climb is too much for her. Giving up and going back to OM is the easy choice.

Stop telling your wife she's got a lot of work to do. She knows it and I think you need to stfu about it.

We got the hold order for the divorce. I was upset that wife told me it was 4-6 months, but the paperwork is just 90 days. That didn't go over well. Still haven't signed it.

Should I sign it as a way to show support? Should I wait for her to sign it?

Have you talked to her about it? Rationally without emotion? What was her response?

Going on a trip with her sounds awesome, but with how fragile we are, I would imagine we'd have a R talk on the trip. And right now, they just don't go over well AT ALL.

Maybe start out smaller. Find excuses to spend time together without the kids. Let it build to something bigger if it seems like it's too much now

Right now, she's a puddle, posting on Facebook that she wants someone to love her unconditionally. Ugh.

She is still confused and depressed. Personally I'd pretend I never saw those posts and try to find ways to SHOW her that you love her unconditionally. If you are consistent she'll figure it out. I think you also might need to stop looking at her facebook posts if possible. It seems like they're sending you on a tailspin.