I have been out in a couple of meet ups and did not really enjoy myself
One very quick observation. I wonder if jumping into the meetup groups was too big of a leap? I want to do meetups, too, but I'm intimidated - and I think I'm a lot more outgoing than you.
Can you think of a way to do baby steps toward the kind of interactions you'd like to have at meetups? Like maybe starting by being friendly while grocery shopping? Learning how to chit-chat makes big social interactions a little less scary...
Also, maybe you can try a different GAL activity if it's not working for you. You can always revisit, but the purpose is to make you feel better about yourself. If all you're doing is creating anxiety I wonder if you're ready for that step.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou