Waw, she is in love, need advice/support

[Bear007]

This weekend was setback, she dragged me into story of buying her an apartment and I offered her to pay for rent or half rent for some time for her to separate.

Right now I am in anger phase, I just want her out of picture so I can continue with my life, and she is using child as leverage, threatening that she will take child with her to bring guilt to me as bad father. Not sure if I want to continue with DB or just want divorce...

[Bear007]

she moved to couch in living room. She said she does not have money to leave (for now)

Also she is preparing to give divorce papers to court on Wednesday.

[Bear007]

And... it is delayed... she will not file for divorce until she gets job. So this is pat position, I doubt she will ever find job, not that she can't, but problem is in her selection of jobs - she wants specific type of job, and frankly you have to be very good and known to get that kind of job.

As I knew always I am married to immature adult who dreams of something but is not capable of fulfilling anything without help from husband/parents...

She also wanted a hug... she hugged me, bu I didn't hug back. After that she said will I hate her forever. I calmly explained that I still love her and don't hate, but she decided to move on, and I can only respect that decision.

@sandi2: based on rules - I should let her be on the couch as long as she wants?
My lawyer said that I should give her money for rent (if she can't afford it), just so she can be separated and that I can get with my life asap.

[Bear007]

No progress yesterday.
10th anniversary of marriage. She did not mention it, I did not mention it.

[G8r]

So sorry to hear that. Wish it could have been a better day for you. Anniversaries and holidays are definitely tougher than most other days. Hope today goes better.

[Bear007]

Weekend with no topics, since her plan to move out Feb 1st failed.

She is still searching for job, and due to her high standards for her first real job I doubt she will get it.

She wanted to hug me, said she missed human touch, and this could be her breaking, but I can still see that she is determined to leave. She hugged me twice, later she came to bed to snuggle, I said she can stay for few minutes but still has to sleep on couch.


repeating:
@sandi2: based on rules - I should let her be on the couch as long as she wants?
My lawyer said that I should give her money for rent (if she can't afford it), just so she can be separated and that I can get with my life asap.

[sandi2]

@sandi2: based on rules - I should let her be on the couch as long as she wants?
My lawyer said that I should give her money for rent (if she can't afford it), just so she can be separated and that I can get with my life asap.

I am not real sure how you mean this question. Could you restate it, please? And, does it have anything to do with what your lawyer advised about financing her apartment?

Everyone may not agree with me about the physical affection. It just makes no sense to me why a man would snuggle, hug, kiss, or have sex with a woman who has told him she doesn't love him and is trying to hurt him every way she can. And btw, a time limit on snuggling? What does that prove, or what are you trying to show her?

Your W is a "user". She uses you to get what she wants, and she uses her own child to get what she wants.

I do not understand your lawyer's advice, but I will not dispute it.

Is the OM still in the picture?

[Bear007]

For the time limit on hugging and snuggling, I guess I have controlling issues of my own that I should address.

She never told me that she does not love me, on the oposite, she told me that she loves me, but differently, and also I don't get the impression she want to hurt me. She just does not want to live with me.
Occasional slips happen, but I have detached from lot of situations, and am getting better at handling everyday situations.
OM is still in picture.

Rephrasing question:
what is the best option for DB-ing my WW
is it a letting her live on the couch, being OK but detached
or
forcing physical detachment by renting apartment, even at my expense, to speed thing up.

Would physical detachment speed things up?

thanks for the advices.

[shreeve]

Kind of have a similar question Bear. My wife is already in her own apartment, but just looking to get sleep again. Any tips on speeding that up? Asking my counselor about it this week when I see him.

[Bear007]

shreeve I don't understand, wife has own apartment but is returning to your home to sleep?

My question is basically rephrased
Would physical detachment speed things (DB-ing) up?