I have read the divorce busting book and may I said that its good but also leave me blank, why do I say that well the book is mainly focus on couples that fight all the time. My situation is a bit different, my wife and I hardly fight but I also missed the signs that she was is unhappy. We been living together for about 16 years and legally married for about 8, during this time we have three beautiful kids ages 4,5 and 10. Last year in December I joke with her about having to move to Nashville because of a job offer, that's when she said you know I still want a divorce. She had told me maybe a few months prior that she wanted a divorce than that she changed her mind, like I said we don't fight, the fights we have had has been me stating that she is on her phone too much on face book. Than she told me that she has been having an online affair for the past two years and that I could not give her what the other person was. She mainly said "I'm in love with this person, I love you for being the father of our children and provider but I'm not in love with you". I ask her if there was anything I could do to help our marriage be again and she said "No there is nothing you can do". She is always frustrated mad with the kids any little thing that the kids do makes her irritable and yells at them a lot. Let me say that she is a stay at home mom and that is what we decided to do when she got pregnant with our first child. She feels like she has lost a part of herself (privacy, friends..)
I know that I have not communicated with her the love that I have for her in ways that she probably understood and though that her not being responsive to me was that she was tired but seems to be me not communicating my love to her (A-B-A-B) like the book said.
Because our insurance does not cover marriage counseling I said that one of us should go and see one and if the therapist tells our insurance that we need therapy our insurance would cover it. Well today she had her first session and she briefly said they discussed her long term goals "Leaving the marriage"
Since the beginning of the year we been living in the same house but sleeping in separate bedrooms we communicate and talk but it seems our goals are different "my is keep my family intact" hers is "divorce".
I'm trying to change my behavior to make her happy as if she is calm and happy she won't yell at the kids to much.
I don't know how to identify if what I'm doing is helping or not since like I said we don't fight. I don't know if she is sitting next to me holding my hand because she sees I'm in pain or because she wants to love me again. I'm so confuse, I don't know if I should just through the towel or continue with what I'm doing.
