A new way of thinking 2

[Di-mond]

Hi girl!!! Just wanted to tell you I'm thinking of you.

I totally get the whole dilemma about your chronic illness. My H really doesn't accept the fact that I have a chronic disease and no matter what I will always have it. I might feel great and then I might get a flare-up. For the most part you can't see my illness on the outside and everyone things I look great and healthy, but I'm not. It's complicated and frustrating. I wish I could pretend I'm not sick and sometimes I do, but sooner or later it will smack me in the face again. I know sometimes even in my immediate circle of friends and family, some think it's all in my head. My H and his mother were taken a bit back when I was finally approved for long term disability benefits. They both thought I should return to my job or work somewhere else.

Anyways, I'm rambling here. Judy, stress is the worst for chronic auto-immune illnesses. You have had more stress than even I can imagine. You need to figure out a way to lessen that stress. I still think absolutely no contact with H is important. Also, for most DBers GAL activities are vigorously recommended, but when you are in the middle of a fibro flare-up GAL is getting out of bed. Don't push yourself. Stay in bed for a few days until you feel better, or a week. Whatever it takes!!

Forgive yourself for not being able to do all the things that you think you should do. I know that is a hard one!!

*hugs*

[Vanilla]

I think you need a bedrock of support to relax and let go. This means fins for your health.

And if that involves WH with providing fins to care then it does.

No wriggle room, do that which is best for you. Look after you.

Hugs

V

[inpain]

Just stopping by to say I'm thinking about you Ancaire and hoping you feel better soon.

[dday]

Hope you are doing better. Thinking of you...

[Ancaire]

I'm here, surviving. This week is just rough. H and I are working out the D details. Any of you who have been through this already know how much this hurts.

Every time I disagree with something, I get subjected to spew and rage. It's just like dealing with a three year old. I'm exhausted. You will all be proud of me, though. As hard as it is, I'm holding my own, and am not backing down on what I need. Even with a spewing, raging, MLC monster throwing his best tantrums, I just hang in there. "I'm sorry you feel that way." "I can see how you might think that."

I'm not enjoying all this validating, but I trust MWD and her wisdom on this subject. It's not going to make much difference in the short term, but who knows what will happen in the future? I'm not sure I'll have any feelings left at all for H in the future at this point - but that's kind of the thing, isn't it? Don't slam and lock any doors. Tomorrow has its' own worries, and I have enough for today.

I'm actually pretty proud of me, in a way. We've completed discovery paperwork, and once he learned what I had on him, and figured out I had him in a place he wasn't going to be able to wiggle out of, he suddenly became agreeable to "working it out". It's not fun, but it is saving legal fees.

We should be done by tomorrow. If we can't agree on one issue, it's off to mediation. You guys really would be proud...when he starts listing off his complaints, I validate when needed, or stand up for myself when necessary. My favorite line from yesterday was my own! I heard myself say, straight to his face, "What I do, or do not do, is no longer any concern of yours. Please stick to the subject at hand."

Backbone, grown. H? Frustrated. I'm exhausted, but it is all nearing the end now, and I am both saddened and relieved. I need out of this pressure cooker. I'm winning the battle, and coming out with everything I need. It helps that I'm not being greedy in any way - just asking for what I'm legally entitled to for the time limit I'm allowed.

The extreme sadness has faded. It's like that last bit of mourning I did really cleared my vision. I'm not so sad about losing a cheating H. I'm sad for my children, and the loss of our family, and the loss of who H used to be. We all miss him - but he's disappeared. I can now look at H, and not feel such longing. I really do not like this preening peacock version. If this is what he was like as a teen, I'm happy I didn't know him then!

He really did enjoy the drama of knowing how much I was hurting, losing him. Now that I'm not hurting as much, he's feeling it and really acting out. He's lost his starring role, and seems to resent it. LOL

Divorce is hard. I wish people took marriage more seriously. I wish they took others' feelings more seriously, too. This ending of a life together, in terms of paper and contracts is just so empty and sad. I don't know how else to say it.

It'll all be over soon, and I can move on.

[Vanilla]

Yes Anc,
It requires strength. Good for you.

Keep on keeping on.

Big big hugs

V

[Ripe]

Divorce is hard. I wish people took marriage more seriously. I wish they took others' feelings more seriously, too. This ending of a life together, in terms of paper and contracts is just so empty and sad. I don't know how else to say it.

You put it very well, Ancaire. I felt the sadness you describe when I wrote down my kids' name on a piece of paper which in its title had the word "divorce".

[mutatio]

Hugs for you Judy, you are a good woman and I am proud to all you friend. Be well Ancaire, be strong

[SciDad]

You're doing great. Just keep at it!


I send you good jibes for you to feed off of, and hugs to support you.

[trumpet]

Ancaire - you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Waywards are like the alien from Men in Black - the guy might look the same on the outside, but he's a mutant on the inside.

Live every day. I want you to laugh today - hard. I want belly jiggles out of you!