ILYNILWY and it's done? Gift of 1 month

[Butterc]

Mu and JellyB, thanks for listening when I was venting. The health scare is quite more manageable than it seemed at first.

[JellyB]

I love a girl who can quote Yoda. Did so myself recently! You're awesome.

PS: There is no figuring out the WAS behaviour, it is what it is until it isn't! How's that for complete mayhem!

Hang in the lovely Buttcup.

Jellyxxx

[Butterc]

Torn with how to treat STBX now that I know about the affair and he doesn't know I know. MLC alien is not my H. Is he in there or is he gone?

I'm not sure what's working. Expressing my anger doesn't work. I'm so close to detaching!

Everything else is covered. GAL, focusing on my child, time with friends, and me time.

I'm not asking for answers Just venting since the alien took my confidante away

[mutatio]

I'm feel your hurt, frustration and anxiety. I think he's in there but his ego and delusions are filters by which he makes his decisions. I think the only chance we have of saving ourselves and maybe our marriages is to treat them with love and compassion while setting up boundaries so we can treat ourselves with love and compassion. Peace Buttercup

[shreeve]

How do we set up boundaries? Is there a good book or free online resource?

[Butterc]

Despite endlessly re-reading Validation and Boundaries I still don't get it. I'm trying to practice and failing miserably

[mutatio]

How do we set up boundaries?

I struggle myself but I'll give it a shot. I believe we should treat ourselves with loving kindness. We should not martyr ourselves, not go above and beyond the call of duty, not let ourselves be taken advantage of, always get the short end of the stick, sit in the dark while they bask in the sunshine, give and receive civil speech, disallow all physical, psychological and emotional torment. We must advocate for ourselves.

We must treat ourselves in a kind manner and expect it from others. That's all I got. Jelly or Vanilla or a whole bunch of others would give you a better answer then I have. Hopefully they will stop by. Be well

[Butterc]

Meu, that's sound advice. I am torn when it comes to my child. He told her today that he knows she is angry but should GET OVER IT.

Tha narcissism is unbelievable. It's his birthday next week. He placed her in a difficult situation by saying I could be invited, If She Wants. She wants her family back, Idiot!

[mutatio]

My son, our youngest child, is 16. It's an interesting age, not kid, not grown up.

"He told her today that he knows she is angry but should GET OVER IT." Your husband doesn't seem to understand that she is angry with him and telling her to get over it means get over him. To say this is like putting out a fire with gasoline.

Our situations are emotionally charged and difficult to begin with. By adding children, selfishness and stupidity into the mix it rarely ends well. Peace Buttercup

[Butterc]

Mut, that's a good way to not only look at this, but for talking points later when we have this discussion. I can't do it now. I'm too angry; I promised myself no more angry-texts.

His reply when I texted please be gentle as she was very upset coming home was "I'm being very sensitive". I'm overdosing on a STFU smoothie.

I'm back being totally p1ssed off after tonight.

Other talking points would be appreciated.I haven't done any R talks, but I am trying to co-parent and do and say what's the best for her. Holding my tongue until I can be the classy example I want her to see... like your quote from the warrior, to focus energy in building a strength.



Thank you.