Divorce Papers

[TimR]

Honestly why did I marry her with the sex/couch issues. First, I love her. Yes there were some doubts but I thought it was a phase we would grow out of. I think my thinking was the oustridge with his head in the hole. Weeks became months, months years. I would try and do something about it and get rejected. Or we would be very friendly and I would think well lets not rock the boat while we are getting along. After a while it got dark and I joined dead bedrooms on reddit which did not help at all.

When we did have sex, yes I think she enjoyed it very much. However, there were some performance issues a few times on my part. A couple were because of a cold and other were because of porn.

As far as the boys, I can reasonably say I did not marry her for the boys. However, in being truthful there were some real bad times that the reason I stayed, at least I told myself, was for the boys. The boys fathers are not involved in any way in their life. I am the only dad they have known. Especially the youngest.

We have been living separate now for 2 weeks. At first nothing. I left for a week and came back (at a very bad time) and she spent the night screaming at me and what a terrible person I was and only thought of myself. Next morning same thing. Then recently I confronted her about a possible affair. That ended in yelling. I did manage at that time to keep my cool and just say "I want you to know I know and am disappointed in you but I am not going to be ugly about it." I have helped her find a rental (after the last fight) and she text me how much she appreciated it and thanked me. She also has text me about our boys weekend schedule and I emailed her requesting her review his February schedule. She gave me no hassle on it.

If I had another chance to do it all over... I would certainly change my attitude and verbally let her know what she means to me, I failed at that before. She needs validation. I needed to do the little things. I left her feeling alone and unwanted. She has insecurities about herself especially looks (although there is absolutely no call for them cause she is beautiful) that I helped contribute to unknowingly. I think this would draw us closer and many of the problems would disappear. I hope that is not too vague. However, currently I need to get to the point where we can be friends.

At the time I did not know her emotional needs but I SHOULD HAVE.