First, my hugs to you. ((((((( Sotto))))))) It's a difficult time and all I can say is for you to keep doing what you do best... all your GAL.
There's no simple way to get out of the YoYo feeling. All the questions that arise and have no answers. The agony of living it through.
Sometimes, I wish there was an amnesia pill that would erase all my memories and I could go sometime without this up and down battle of emotions.
By other hand I came a long way to see that somethings do turn around and time is the one to tell how much it does.
For me, it is still quite difficult to move forward and keep some hope at the same time. But, right now there is nothing I can do different, so it is what it is.
There will be a time that may come your turn perhaps to ask for a closure talk. You deserve this and your dope H will be in front of you to face his own demons.
Maybe to just remind him that he just run away from his issues instead of face them. And maybe to remind him why he fell for you in the first place. Only life will tell.
I challenge myself with the denial issue too. I pretty much go back and forth on that. But then, there so much stories online and real life about people that after years decide to give another try. Would be so good to have some crystal ball to tell us what is store in the future.
I met an older lady other day at a shoe store that told me she tried all what she could to save her marriage, then she got divorced and tried all what she could to get back with her XH.
Slowly she finally let go and start thinking she had become an old bitter divorcee in denial. It was then that she met someone else.
She said with a big smile that she found gold. That this gentleman is everything to her and treats her like a princess. She said that she is happier now then she could ever image at her age.
They travel together, enjoy each other, she said their R is an eternal honeymoon because they are not worry about tomorrow. They live today and are happy for the time they can spend together.
It was nice to hear that. Sometimes I really ask myself if getting back with XH is the right thing for my true happiness. After all what happen, is there a real chance to heal the wounds and start anew?
Maybe it's just a perspective that people with our values have inside themselves. In this forum we see people with very high morals and maybe it is the reason we are here.
We are not joking around using other people, instead we want to learn to be better, understand better.
With the changes in your own being and the changes in your life, there will also be a change of attraction. Your H is right now one among others that can have a place in your heart. Maybe the real love is still to come and there was a reason you (we) need to walk this path.
Don't lose site of your own worthy. You are a great simple genuine person with high values and morals. Sometimes the garbage in our lives is not really ours.
I admire you, alone facing the world and the realities that even hurt. Sometimes I wonder if maybe, just maybe, we deserve someone better then the man we cry for.
You are doing it all with your head tall and the next person in your life will be very lucky to have you (maybe your H) after all you have learned here.
Love you with all my heart and keep you close everyday.
