Hi Tim, welcome aboard. No matter the point in the journey, this community is a great source of support. Stick with us and post often, and you'll receive more replies.

I'm going to start out by asking you why did you marry her if she was already sleeping on the couch and the sex was an issue? When she did have sex with you, did she seem to enjoy it and was satisfied?

I could not help noticing something in your post. Before you told us anything about your W, you talked about the boys and how much you loved them. Then, when you listed your goals, they were your very first one. I think it is admirable and says a lot about you. I'll admit, however, I had the question to cross my mind, if you really M her for the sake of the kids. Clearly, you want to be a family with them. Is their biological father active in their lives?

How long has she been living in a separate place, and what is the interaction with her?

If you had another chance, what would you change in order to give the MR a better chance of being stronger?

Did you never talk to her about what you wanted in the MR?
Did you know what her emotional needs were?

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!