Back on these forums again 7

[Mona52]

We have an upcoming family event that I would like to extend an invitation to H to come. But for the life of me I have no idea HOW to extend the invitation.

I have some options, but if you guys know a better option then what I have here, please chime in.

My S12 can text his dad on FB. "Daddy, can you come with us and watch me?" (S12 is the one who wants H there the most, it would mean the world to S to have dad watch him)

My D15 can reply to H last text. H texted her last night on how nice it was to drive her home... D15 wants NOTHING to do with H. I would have to kinda force her to invite him.

D17 can text her dad. D17 does not really want to see her dad either, but is okay if he comes. D15 actively does not want to see him at all.

Or... probably the worst option, but this option does not involve the kids so if he bails, they wont even know or be hurt. However, if any of the kids ask, he might come, if I go with this option, he probably wont come (yes, I am mind-reading a little, but it is based on all past behavior)

The last option is for me to invite him...

I guess there is always one more option. Don't invite him at all.

I should come clean here, I probably have ulterior motives for inviting him. S12 REALLY does want dad there, I was not lying, but this will be an event where I will shine brighter than the sun. My H will have never seen me like this, except maybe on my wedding day. We will be with a large number of people, and they will gravitate towards me the entire time because I am a happy person. (I know that sounds horribly vain....ugh, but it is true). I will easily be able to leave him alone the entire time because I will be so busy doing my own thing. There is zero chance it will end in a fight because it is just not a place for any kind of 'talk'. So all around it will be d@mn near perfect for me.

If you think I should NOT invite him, I wont. I understand he has to be given the space needed to miss us. I understand that he texted my D yesterday and I might be using this as an excuse to jump all over that.

I also know I took my son to see a therapist yesterday because he is in a ton of pain because he misses his daddy. Yes... that is out of my control. I dont feel inviting H to a family event is trying to control him.

Geez, just when I think I am the freaking master of my own DB'ing I fall into a tailspin...

Do I want my M back? Seriously, I just dont know anymore.
Will this bring me closer or further from my goal? Cr@p, I need to decide if I want my M before I can answer that.

Okay, since I am not 100% positive I DONT want him, I will hang in a little longer and root for the last 20 years. So for today only, I will still fight for my M.

Now, will inviting him bring me closer or further away from that goal? 100% sure it will bring me closer to that goal. No one, not even Eeyore can see me and my kids in this environment and not want to be a part of it.

Sure, he can always get madder because we are out having fun while he is not. I can get blamed for that. It could move me further from my goal, but that is a chance I am willing to take.

I am leaning towards having S and D both ask him and me not say a word. The reason is, it is VERY VERY easy for H to just say no to S. H is a jerk. It is very very hard to just say no to D15 because she never asks for a thing and is a sweetheart.

S can text H because S will have the enthusiasm H might need to understand the importance, and D can text dad so there is the best chance dad will show.

Please tell me if I am making a mistake?