Continue being the best dad you can be and do not tolerate disrespect. Your response to a spouse that disrespects your marriage is what you've been doing. Detach, move on. You don't owe her any information about your comings and goings unless she wants to be part of your family "team". You plan your comings and goings with your team and no one else. If she wants to be part of that team, that's great, but there are rules to live by. Rule #1, no disrespecting the marriage or each other. If she doesn't want to be part of that team, that's fine too, you can't force her, but then she must learn what that will be like. She can't be a cake eater. She can't have her husband and family and her freedom to be a single woman too. Nope. Sorry. That's not an option to be part of your team.
You can't nice them back. You're worth more than that. Demand to be treated like you have worth. Accept nothing less. Nobody ever respects a doormat. If you try to nice her back it'll only cause her to lose respect for you and withdraw further from you. You're the leader of your family. Accept that role and be the leader.
