Other things she has said about why she sees no future is that she has been suffocating and can't breathe. She wants her independence and to stand on her own two feet. I have been wanting there to do this for years but until now has always leaned on me to do the finances, the phone calls, etc. when I have asked for her help it's been too difficult, not enough time etc. She tells me she never goes out, that I stop her going out. I ask her what she has organised, does she want to to a course, she talked about a yoga class but never looks into it. Am I supposed to organize her life for her?

I agree detaching is hard, but for me it has been therapeutic as I don't have this weight on me to look after her the way she has always wanted. It has been interesting watching her try and put on her 'big girl pants', this is a girl that has filled our car with fuel 4 times in over 2 years ( we only have one). The difficult bit for me is that these are all things I have wanted her to do within the relationship and now she feels she can only get this by taking the family apart.

in one of her spew sessions, she told me I have no control over who she sees or what she does. For the last month I haven't asked but when I didn't say where I was going she said I was leaving her stranded and being thoughtless by only saying I was going out at the last minute. (I go to the gym after the kids are in bed) Is this double standards normal during these times?

Now she wants to give me all sorts of information about where and who see goes to see but she has only gone out once in the last month. I have wondered if the OM is still in the picture as I thought she would go out more. Or she is actually sticking to the boundary I put in place, but then that doesn't seem to find the common behavior.

I do leave her to her own thoughts by giving her space often, as much as I would like to put my arms around her and say we will work it out, I don't want to for me. I can admit my mistakes that put our marriage into trouble and learn from them but to help me detach I think about the betrayal and the neglect affairs have on a family. I don't think of the damage to me anymore, I focus on how she has neglected the kids. I have also noticed a shift in the kids, they come to me more than they used to. I know this is down to me being stable and consistent for them over these past 2 months in particular. We were all out for a walk as a 4 this past weekend and if I was too far ahead or round a corner, my daughter would run after me calling even though my W was right with her. So I would wait or come back and pick her up. My W was very quiet in these times and maybe she is seeing the shift also.