I am also still working on the balance of going dim around the kids.
I did set a boundary that if she lived in the house that all communication with the OM stops outside of her work, I had to re-state that a week later but haven't mentioned it again. Our phones are linked as she uses my ID and we see each other's call history. She has deleted his number going back a month, but doesn't do this for any other numbers. I have told her how to fix this but she has still not done this. She also told me she was going to give me her rings back but still hasn't, that was 3 weeks ago. She has 'spitballed' many ideas for sharing custody of the kids when she moves out but doesn't like any of her own suggestions. She wants to be able to call them every night when I have them but I have said no to that as I didn't want my schedule dictated by her, she wants to meet and have dinner all together once a week at the house or her apartment. Again I said no to this and explained that as she is basically wanting to leave me for someone else why would I want to be in her apartment, or even to see her when I don't have to.
She asked last week what I have learnt about myself this past few weeks and I explained a little of how much a fog I was under and the shock of loosing my family jolted me out of it and forced me to look hard and deep at myself. I did tell her that I needed space from her as the trust she broke twice was very damaging to our marriage. I didn't ask her to come back or to think about us, I just said I had forgiven myself, I can't change the past and am moving forward with my life and feeling great about it.
She had mentioned that although she has seen differences in me, especially with the kids (she told a friend I was like super Dad), she doesn't trust it can be with her also. I have not indicated or said anything to her that I'm doing anything for her. My path is for me and for my kids, she is on her own path but I still feel she is in the angry, resentful and blaming stage. I am just refusing to be dragged down with her.
Cristy, you mentioned I had seen changes in her behavior and to be cautious, which I am. Can I ask you what you mean by those changes I see? As I have read we ignore pretty much all she says and 50% of what she does. Are the things I see just someone being civil or is there the potential for her to still be conflicted within herself. I know patience is the key and I'm not going to push her or ask her about anything.
She has mentioned she feels she needs professional help, something I would agree on, but she hasn't taken that step yet. I don't pursue or try and suggest anything, she is still leaning on the comforts of being at home, but I have stopped cleaning her mess, and have tried to remove the easy options for her that I would normally take care of.
I have read a lot of articles, journals, stories here and have learnt a lot in a short period of time. I am pretty sure she has not done any of this and maybe Sandi you could answer this best, if there is still conflict, and I think from reading yours and other stories there is, is this emotional mindset scared to find out about themselves and potentially have to face their own mistakes? I know she will have to do this in her own time and I will not try and do anything about that.
