Despite the fact that my W sees me as a wonderful man and father, she sees herself as irreparably tainted and unforgivable, unworthy of me. Her actions that led to the downfall of our M have a strange quality of appearing to be driven by a self-fulfilling prophecy in which she deeply believes she doesn't belong in the good life that we have created together. Since I have known her, she always spoke of a darkness in her heart, an unlovable view of herself which she was able to see, but never believed that she could ever overcome. I always cheered for her to fight it, to get help, to question those false beliefs, but they had a strength over her that in the end were much more powerful than any strength that I may have had to influence her.
Today, it became clearer than ever to me that one really cannot influence or motivate another person when it comes to these types of personal battles. They have to be motivated and ready to face it themselves. I am realizing that the big lesson for me is in learning to let people be in charge of their own lives. I need to value myself more by cultivating my ability to love and giving that love to whomever is willing and able to receive it. When I make a project out of trying to fix someone so they can receive my love, I am bound to fail. So it seems, letting go of my W is exactly what the doctor ordered.
Thank you for sharing the above JGuy. You just summed up my behaviour, feelings and actions in my relationship with Mr Ex.
I am truly sorry that my darkness killed a loving relationship. I commend your willingness to remain committed to your M and commitment. It would seem that there wasn't enough of that with my ex. But who can blame him.
I don't blame or resent the decision my ex made, saying he had enough. It is hard to love and remain committed to someone, who rejects everything you give them. If your W is anything like me. She will always know and regret that she wasn't able to pull herself together to make it last.
This post is selfish on my behalf JGuy, because it hit a nerve and resonated.
