Hi M, much of what you post above resonates with me. I find it harder now to visualise getting close to H again. I feel more positive thinking about moving forward alone, or perhaps with an OP in time. I've mostly stopped missing him as a partner, and not sure if I would want a partnership with him again.
My advice would be, let it all keep percolating for now, and only change your approach when you feel more sure about what you want. There's no need to make any decisions until you are ready.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
