Back on these forums again 7

[Mona52]

okay, nothing from H in months. I have to force contact with kids and that happens maybe once a month. November = thanksgiving, Christmas in December, yesterday I needed SOMEONE to pick up D15 because I was at work. They were me initiating each time. He initiated once because he needed money and I refused.

Earlier today he sent me 2 (YES TWO) text messages. I ignored both.

tonight, he sent D15 a text! I did not read it but D said it said something like "I enjoyed picking you up yesterday"

amazing, huh???

I WONT thank him or validate in any way. His R with his kids is none of my business so I will keep clear of it. If I praise him, it will look like i am watching him.

Earlier today, one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world told me she wanted her husband to apologize and show remorse. So I typed out this long text message. It was full of heartfelt apologies I imagined I would not mind hearing from my H. My text was so remorseful and detailed, that I deleted it instead of pressing send, because it was dead on a deepest desire. I wanted to show her that even if she heard the words, the pain would still be there.

Well, my own text hit me like a ton of bricks. That is why I could not even send it to her. After pushing H out of my head, that text flooded my brain with thoughts of jerkface.

No big deal, I have so many things to distract me, right? I took my kids to karaoke tonight and hands down I had one of the greatest nights of my entire life! We are DYING for next Wednesday to come!

But jerkface finally texting a kid on a day where I was slightly vulnerable is making sleep tonight a little elusive.

I have zero expectations for myself. But, if he texted one kids, could it be possible he will text the other 2 sometime soon???

Not gonna watch for it, gonna boot him from my head again. I know that tunnel time takes years and he has just begun. Back to me me me. Forget about jerkface...