tfish - I went through this, too, years ago. My eldest son's senior year, my husband got a promotion and transfer to a different state. We really struggled with it, but we wound up letting him stay with some really good friends of ours in order to graduate with his friends.
It was so hard moving off and leaving him - but to this day, he thanks us so much for allowing him to do that. I was a kid who wound up moving to another state my senior year, and it was tough! I really resented having to graduate apart from my classmates. I think that is why I was able to have so much compassion for our son, and allow him to make a choice that was difficult on our entire family.
We flew him to our new home for every long break he had, we went to visit him as well, and we talked on the phone all the time. At first, it was hard on me - but as I listened to him talk, and heard the joy in his voice, I knew we'd made the right decision.
The biggest hurdle for you, I think, is making sure he's staying with someone you trust. We'd been friends for a long time with the family we left him with. They adored (still do!) him and gave him a safe home to stay in, even though it was already crowded with their three boys.
In the end, it was a good decision for our son's benefit. It was hard on his parents, but really - we only "lost" one official school year, and it didn't alter our family dynamics in any way. No closeness was lost, his needs were met, and every time we saw him it was like a party! What kid wouldn't love that?
My heart goes out to you. Having been there before, I understand your heartache. It was best for our son in the end, so even though it really was rough losing our eldest somewhat early, seeing his joy and gratitude helped us come to peace with it.
It probably wouldn't be so rough on you without all the other issues clouding the water. I promise you, your son's desire to graduate with his friends isn't in any way related to a desire to get away from you...he just doesn't want to start all over in a new school apart from his friends in what is easily the best school year of them all. Senior year. Remember? It is truly important to a teenager, when all the world revolves around them - he's not emotionally mature enough yet to realize what his leaving will cost you.
To you, it'll feel like yet another loss. To him, it would be one of the best things you ever did for him, providing he's staying somewhere he'll be safe and cared for, so he doesn't wind up in "unsupervised" kinds of trouble. This could be a really good maturing experience for him, as well.
I'm so sorry. I know how rough it is. (((Big hugs)))
