http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2647238&page=1 Well, I'm still mulling all of this. Still not sure what to do or even completely how I feel. Looking forward to Friday when I can talk w/the DB coach again. Thinking about HIS advice: my H *thinks* its hopeless and that he knows me completely. That's got me thinking of all kinds of ways to throw him off, but most would come across as being spiteful or fake. UGH. I need more ideas, esp. since he's so intimately familiar with this type of stuff & smells it straight away. On the other hand, my IC asked me to do that pro/con list of both staying and divorcing. That's got my head spinning about divorce impacts.... I don't like it but thinking about it makes me...think about it.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
What's more, I keep thinking that when the inevitable comes tonight I'll take the bull by the horns and say: We both feel like we've done everything that we can possibly do. We both hurt. We both don't like this and we both feel stuck. (since I've broached this before he will react by not liking that I'm speaking for him and therefore controlling the convo) And, Now what? (when I've asked this before, he's said "demolition" but never said what that means). He also accused me of seeking after other teachers for spiritual advice (true enough). Thinking about what Trumpet said, that he is sick and a sick doctor cannot care for his patients...should I respond?? When I ignore such things he comes after me all the more.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
You are entitled to your feelings, thoughts and views. WH is entitled to his.
When you phrase things in this way then you are inclusive of WH and you are putting words in his mouth. This way of saying your opinions is called invalidation.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Good point Vanilla. Those were his words, so I didn't feel like it was putting words in his mouth...but today is a new day & maybe that IS putting words in his mouth.
I didn't say it - just painted my nails (cuz I never do that) and played around with some artwork I started recently - both GAL ideas. Sat there for a bit, per his usual, expecting me to "talk". Didn't. He turned on a movie and we watched it. Went to bed and then he said his usual spiel about me not making any effort, yadda yadda. I said what do you want to talk about. No answer. Today, usual texts from him that I should have apologized and make some kind of effort. So I asked for clarification about what I should be apologizing about - again he responds "Wow. no effort". I couldnt' help myself & I replied, "no games" to which he replied "yes you are". I'm not going to reply. Shouldn't have thrown that games thing in there. Just sick of it.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
As long as you play the game, someone will win. He is a good game player.
Ever see the 80's film Wargames?
Sometimes the best move is to not play the game.
I think you're kind-of GAL'ing.
Ever hear of a drowning swimmer pulling the rescuer in, killing them both? Happens all the time in the winter, when people fall through thin ice. It takes a TEAM of people to rescue the person, with the proper gear.
My concern is for you, Kyrie. REALLY focus on you, and your walk with God.
IGNORE HIS SPEW. Every time you put yourself into that situation, you're giving him permission to shove anger down your throat. From what I see in other posts, people genuinely care about you, and want you to be happy.
Do you want to be happy?
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
I hear you Trumpet - I just don't know how to *do* it ...much. I'm not interested in going out every night or other such things - that seems more like a game than anything. Avoiding him compounds it. I do focus on growing more in the faith. I was reading some things in the bible 2 nights ago and he accused me of just reading to cherry-pick things to support my ego and seeking other teachers other than himself. Didn't respond to it.
Of course I want to be happy but more than that I want to do the right thing, be compassionate, open, loving. In most situations, those things are not mutually incompatible!! (yeah, Wargames is a great movie) SO, how do I *NOT* play?? And still remain here/not divorced?
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
