I too have seen my W so happy. Once parked at the bank laughing it up on the phone like life was so much better. I was a mess and my D's were torn apart. Like NYGal my W messaged me later near Xmas and said it was all her fault, the damage etc. She's not doing anything to fix it but she had a moment of clarity.
So sorry you have this hurt. It is ok to cry. it's normal to cry. Don't hold it in. So glad you share it here though.
keep yourself busy... one day you will look back and you will see your progress.
the first 2 months for me was hell. Seemed like the days were so long and the month lasted forever. I look back now and it feels like 2 weeks have gone by since BD.
Does reading other situations help you at all or does it make is worse? Me it helped me so much to understand all this. To feel like I'm not alone. Than I'm not crazy... and I'm not to blame.
