WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE Part II

[trumpet]

"Genuine repentance always involves a confession of wrongdoing and a willingness to make things right. An apology often takes the form of an excuse".

If your W is sincere about wanting to work on the M, then she should be willing to make things right with you. My question to her would be what's the big deal about her writing a NC to the OM if the affair is over? I can think of a couple of reasons she doesn't want to carry through with the letter, however, if she's really willing to make things right again..........

Wife is still expecting me to just be peachy when I'm around her. She did me a favor, right? No divorce, I should be just jumping through hoops for the family and for her now.

I've read where a lot of WW's have this attitude. They apologised, and now they want to have the MR just simply return to point where it left off before the A ever happened. You see, the WW doesn't want to do the hard work that's required to repair the M. The mistake on the part of many LBH'S is taking her back without requiring that work.

This leads me to a question to you. What are you prepared to do, besides remind her she hasn't done XXX yet?

I know this must be terrible on your nerves, wondering every day if she's wrote the letter yet. I think you may need to get through a couple of days without asking her again, or hinting around about it. When a woman does that, it's called nagging. You have to see if she's going to take the initiative to do the right thing, or if it's more to get you off her back.

Sandi,

Well, she broke it off, went to see pastor, has counseling set up, her phone doesn't have his info on it anymore, so she took a big step.

Now, what am I prepared to do if things go sideways again? I don't know.

I know she needs help in understanding why she did it.
I know she needs counseling in how to get in touch with her emotions, to understand them, and not just bury them so they don't affect her.
I know she needs to make it up to me - to make atonement. How that happens? I would hope, when ready, that she's willing to keep asking me 'How can I put Trumpet first in the marriage?'
It FEELS like she's rarely done that in the marriage. Expressing that she wants to put me first. I don't want to read the tea leaves, or guess, like I had to in the past. Direct communication.

Personally, I would love to see her get active with me - do things outdoors, us start to do new activities.
I would like to see her start to dress her age, or maybe slightly below it. She has always dressed like a couple decades older than she is. It would be nice to really be attracted to her in a cute outfit - her making passes as me. I've always been the pursuer. It would be nice to be pursued once in a while.

Ugh - one day at a time. I really don't want my desires to turn into expectations. Lots of time to talk about that stuff down the road. Just hoping the fog lifting sticks around longer than a couple days. If we can make it to the end of the week, and get some real humble interactions with each other, authentic interactions, that would be awesome.