Try not to draw too much up in your head about what people know and don't know. They probably know less than you think, more than you want them to, and the rest they will make up anyhow. I have the same problem sitting in my head all the time, even long before my separation sitch started. I am trying to use something I saw on Brenee Brown's Ted talk. Something along the lines of - if it can't be measured it isn't real. Until I know it, I can't assume it.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15