Babe, Sure you can stick w/this thread here and we'll come over to visit you here. Post your questions and someone will be happy to answer them. It may not always be Cadet or myself, but others will come along and post to you.
Now about the therapist situation, yes, unfortunately, the crisis person usually will not go to a therapist. If they do go, they will only go the one time or eventually the therapist will say something that they can turn around to their benefit. I don't advocate suggesting counseling when they are in crisis. I encourage the spouses to just leave them alone and allow them to figure things out for themselves. When they are ready to seek help, they'll do so. On the other hand, I do believe that many who are in the early stages of their spouses' crises could benefit from a visit to a physician for AD's and/or just someone to talk to, i.e., a divorce group or a counselor for themselves.
For now, keep the focus on you. Read as much as you can about depression because it is the main ingredient of a MLC.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I appreciate your kindness! Will read the 'depression' articles.
Oh, I recall it was three to four months before bomb dropped, I had the feeling of strange icy and distance between my husband and I, just I did not know what was going on and will be happening... he could be already in stage of replay for a short time before bomb dropped, correct ? I might be a careless wife and I never thought he would become like this...
I have to remind myself always - I did not break him, I can not fix him. At the beginning, I bought all the mean things he said to me, the guilt is killing me until I learned that the man in midlife crisis blames his wife for everything.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I study a lot; thank you for sharing those great material.
Have to say that I'm not good at setting boundary; he moved out, we don't see each other, he is living by himself, I don't even have his address. But I do get scared when there's phone conversation and if he spewed ...
Last year, I forgot to log out of my email boxes, he logged in and checked my emails. I feel awful and uncomfortable of what he did to me, this man is not my husband, it is a monster came from nowhere !!!
I appreciate Job's explanation of depression; through his crisis, I learned the problem of husband's original family. His parents know what happened to him, they just act very cold and quite indifferently... pray for my husband that he could out off the tunnel by himself.
Cadet and Job, my husband tried to have me convinced - he falls out of love... he finds himself had midlife problem when bomb dropped, but after 13 times of therapy he feels nothing was wrong with him, me is his root of his pain, although I recognize all the symptom of his midlife crisis.
Hi, Cadet and Job, does 'awakening' that Heartsblessing mentioned when the midlife crisiser first wakes up from the situation but not yet out of the crisis the same thing as 'hit the rock bottom' ?
Hi All, there's a notice from bank; my husband did not pay his credit card bill for months, I did not open it but I could tell he owes almost three thousands of debt ... Shall I mail the notice to him or just ignore it ?
I'm fine with my financial, Job, why they spent money like crazy, they get high with money spent to avoid been depressing ?
...Job, why they spent money like crazy, they get high with money spent to avoid been depressing ?...
Hi Babe, all I can do is relate this to my situation. I'm a LBH, my wife has a double whammy with being a WAW having an A going through MLC.
One of the things I noticed - money was a huge part of her "problem", feeling that we were always short and she worked so hard. Being a nice guy, I even didn't go to the dentist so she wouldn't be upset with money spent. But she traveled to Europe twice in 6 months, and would literally max a card, pay it off and the same day max it again. She demanded I get together all of the billing (it was already done and filed) so she could look at the credit card expenditures. She never did - it was just a "thing" to make me do. She knew what she'd see when she looked.
In her final tirade, she said she had been "striking out" by spending. Well, I don't know about striking out, but I do know about the spending.
With guys, I would imagine the spending would have to do with toys and partying. With her, there was a lot of entertainment. It seems though that with the MLC this is part of the pattern. Whether it is on gym, new clothes, new hair, teeth etc., they literally do become like dumb kids again.
This is based entirely on my own observations. I can say though the more I read these threads, the more similar the behavior pattern is for a lot of these wayward spouses.
Unfortunately - identification is the easy part. The only person that you can affect is you. I wish I had something more positive for you.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
