New guy

[mbebos]

Nothing much to report the last couple days. No contact from W since Friday. Vertigo has been kicking my butt, so the gym hasn't been going that well. I did do about a third of my workout yesterday, and about half of my workout today, so that is an improvement.

Sleeping has been going well. I have been sleeping through the night for about a week now. I am still waking up tired, but improved. Stomach issues are still there, although I do not know if it is more about the vertigo, or nerves and anxiety. Something that is worrying me, is I have lost all of my love of food. Since I was a toddler, I wanted to be a chef. While I never became one, I became an obsessed home cook. I cook for others, out of love. Often I would spend all day on a meal, and when it came time to eat, I would eat something else, because I already was satisfied by the process of cooking and didn't even want to eat it. I know it sounds weird.
Lately, I have been eating healthier (no junk food), losing weight, and going to the gym as much as I can, but I have no drive to eat. I stand in the cafe at work staring at the choices, and end up eating something lame just to get something in my stomach, or I eat a protein bar. Aside from going out with my friends on Thursdays, I haven't been eating meals, just snacks all day.

I have been all nerves and anxiety, and now I am on the downswing of that, feeling depressed. IC tonight, and a divorce/separated support group I am going to for the first time.