Struggling

[- MB -]

Brad,
I'm very sorry that this is happening to you. You mentioned that you sold your house and then moved into an apartment and your W moved somewhere else. Were you having problems before you sold your house? Is that why you sold your house? You also mentioned that you have kiddos, how old are they?
Is your wife with an OM?

The first thing you have to remember is not to believe anything she says and only half of what she does. Just because she is telling you to move on and that it's over, doesn't mean that it is. You can continue to work on the marriage without her. She sounds like she's confused and not really sure what she wants. That being the case, what she wants and thinks can change from day to day. You're doing the right thing by going to IC and working on yourself. That way you will be the best you that you can be whether it's to move on with your W, or to move on without her. Either way, it's a great time for you to work on yourself and make yourself happy.

It does sound like you're detaching. That is something that I haven't been successful at, but I do keep trying. As I feel myself pulling away from him (detaching), it scares me and then I seem to re-attach. I guess I'm afraid that when I detach from him, he will decide to come back and I will not want him. That's what scares me because I really don't want to move on without him. Of course, none of this seems to be about what I want...only what HE wants. I am growing very tired of that . I won't start off on that rant though!

My H also rewrote our marriage history. He has somehow blamed ME for everything that has ever happened to him in his whole life. Pretty sure he even blames me for things from before we even met. LOL. Whatever! He can rewrite all he wants I just don't argue with him because it gets me nowhere. I know what our marriage was like and he will never convince me that I'm to blame for all of this. I know I wasn't perfect, but I also know that most of this was him. I was willing to accept the blame and work on fixing things with him because that is what I do-fix things. He already has OW though and seems deep in the affair fog. He gets so upset when he's around me that he actually has panic attacks and will walk away, get in his car and leave because he just can't take the stress and anxiety. Then, of course, it's my fault and clearly I'm killing him. Sigh......

I also am doing NC with my H. Not really what I want, but he won't talk to me so I'm just going along with it and working on myself. I once went for 5 weeks without seeing him and he wanted to get back together. That lasted 12 days. . I'm currently doing NC again and it's been 3 weeks. I know he won't contact me and I'm not sure when I will contac him. He is still with OW and that just rips my. Heart out. NC is really hard, but I am trying to GAL and stay busy. It's hardest for me when I'm home alone because I just can't turn my mind off.

I hope you're doing okay today. I'm glad you stopped by and posted on my thread. Let me know how it's going for you.