New beginnings!

[Di-mond]

Finished the essay for one course. Did the test on another course. Then I rewarded myself by driving down to see my H. I needed to blow off some steam!!

I'm still here 24 hours later.

He made me breakfast (more like lunch). We went out and got a TV table for his new big screen that he got. I picked myself up a big picture that rounds out my decorating at home. We made dinner and then he went to work. I'm here by myself and I could snoop galore since he gave me the password for his desktop computer, but I really can't be bothered. I'm chilling, watching net flicks, browsing kijiji.

He wants me to stay until Thursday, but I want to go home. We get along great. There is no fighting, barely any R talk. We laugh a lot. Pretty decent amount of ILY's. Sex is pretty good too.

But I want to go home. I miss my place and my daughter and my kitties and the doggie. I called my daughter tonight and she put me on speaker and the dog started to lick the phone. She misses me too.

Sometimes it feels like my H wants just me, but I come with extras. I like my furry extras.

I can't believe a few months ago I was absolutely terrified of living on my own and now I so enjoy it. I am the master of the remote control. What I want to watch, gets watched. I buy groceries just for me. I know this seems silly to some people, but I moved out of my parents in with my first H at 19. I had two kids by the time I was 22. I always had to put somebody else first and consider their needs. Now I really only have to worry about me. Still getting used to it.

I had IC last week. Again the counsellor asked me what I thought my H could give me. Last time I was a bit stumped, but thinking about it more, I think he gives me a distraction. Somewhere to go for a bit and chill before heading back to the real world.
Not sure I would call that a marriage, not really sure what that is.

On a totally different note, forgot to share last week. I received a text from H in the middle of the night about Facebook. A while back, when H wanted me to move on, I unfollowed him and put most of " our " pictures on private settings. I really didn't want to see anything about us or him on social media at all. I was working hard at detaching. Well, I never changed any of the settings after we got back together (or whatever it is that we are). He went on Facebook and couldn't find any pictures of us together on my profile. He was quite upset, even tough he kept telling me that he was not. He chilled out after I told him why. At first I got a bit panicky, thinking " oh no, he is going to end things again", then I thought "f**k it, he's going to do what he is going to do. I'll be ok no matter what!"
I think when I really didn't react much beyond telling him why and when, he realized that I was done persuing him and trying to convince him that he should be with me. Don't get me wrong, I want my M. I want to be back together with my H. But I will not sacrifice myself in the process. I worked so hard inside to find myself again, to find my happiness. He can share in that and I would love to share in his happiness. I'm still a work in progress and he needs to do a whole lot of work on himself still too.