Day by Day..Hour by Hour 2

[Zues126]

Simple and easy are two different things. This isn't easy. But it's pretty clear.

You love your H, and would love the marriage to work...and would be willing to address anything and everything on your end that led to the breakdown of the marriage. But you will not live in an open marriage, which you define as PAs, EAs, or Cam Girls. You understand that he needs to feel safe from being punished from past behavior, but you too need to feel safe from HIM. Given the history, lies, and abandonment what that would look like would be a full commitment followed by full transparency. If he was willing to do that you'd be willing to work equally hard to leave the past in the past and work anew on a better marriage and support him in any way you can. Anything less is not a marriage you will remain in. And while you're open to rebuilding at this point, you can't promise you'll always be willing because you have no intention on standing indefinitely as a plan B. So he'd better do some thinking about what he wants in his life. And unless and until such events occur your sole focus should be on you rebuilding your own life, so that you are emotionally and physically prepared for D and have the support you need to be the best woman and mother you can be.

That would be what I would communicate with him- ONE TIME ONLY. Then that would serve as my mission statement. I would work on detaching, GAL, 180s for YOU. Being a good mom. Being civil for the kids. I would avoid trying to control his behavior towards that recommitment in ANY way, shape, or form. I would NEVER bring up the R again, and if he did I wouldn't be interested in discussing unless he was ready to talk about a REAL R in which he took accountability for his behavior and was ready to make a commitment involving transparency. If the first words out of his mouth weren't "I'm ready to do what you asked" I wouldn't respond to anything he was saying, I would validate and LEAVE. NO REPLY. NONE. You've said what you needed to say. Saying anything more is contradicting your words, because your words are saying NO MORE OF THIS. Boundaries. Distance. Be friendly when you need to swap kids, validate if he says something, but STFU and walk away. LET HIM GO.

You go on your own journey from now until the day he says he's ready, or until the day you look around and you're D'd for 2 years and are open to other people glancing your way. But you get yourself to a point where you are ok with either outcome, and you aren't looking ahead, because you know you'll be ok, and you're happy with your life, who you are, and have faith that you'll be taken care of if you do what's right.

Can you do that?