You asked a question on my thread about linking Heather and Gwen's threads. I would suggest that if you are interested in reading their threads, that you go to the bottom of the screen (left hand side) and locate the "Display options" feature. Click on "show topics" and change the setting to "from all dates" and then hit the "change" button. Once that is done, go to the top of the screen and click on the "search" button and type in the name of the poster you are looking for.
Generally some posters will list at the top of their thread the links to their respective threads. Some don't.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, if he's on phone and he pushes divorce(I think he took it as threaten), what do I do ? Last time I told husband "if divorce is what you want to talk, I refuse so and I'm done with the conversation". Or what should I say to him ?
Babe, I just wanted to say hello and I am sorry for your situation. The spew and rage is very difficult to listen to. I have been through this, and I know your pain. The very best thing you can do is focus on yourself and try to walk away from the spew. Do not text him, do not call him. If you do talk to him, just say "I never looked at it that way before" or "thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, I will think about it" or as Job said "I am sorry you are having a bad day." If he wants to talk about divorce I would say "Can we talk about this at a later date?"
Please take care of yourself. You have been going through this for a long time. Are you ok? Are you sleeping, eating, talking to positive people?
Hello Fo.2, I have problem in sleeping and eating at the first 8 months, but I'm getting better and better, thank God; though I do feel depressed sometimes after his spewing, I gain some weight. I go to church regularly and I have a supporting group; the only issue is that group always encourages LBS to text husband...
I registered last June but I did not really come and post anything often, it was two weeks ago, I wanted like to do some research when my husband spewing angrily. I have no idea of how/where the OW is right now, I knew they broke up months ago, I don't know if husband is in OW withdraw like Heartsblessing mentioned some other place. He threw tantrum during phone conversation two times. Knowing that he tries to control things with forcing of divorce. I got scared every time he did so(spewing/force for divorce), I have to admit it.
besides those, I'm doing fine, I'm working and I live by myself (no kid) I find help and tons of resources from forum, I appreciate the reply from all of you, I'm blessed !
Babe, Stop texting your h! Leave him alone unless it is an absolute emergency. The support group doesn't understand that this behavior is called pursuit. Just leave him alone. Allow him to come to you if he so wishes.
As for the anger, you are going to see that quite a bit throughout the crisis. If the discussions you were having w/him on the phone concerned the relationship or money, yes, he's going to spew. He doesn't want to talk about the relationship and as for the money...they are extremely selfish during the crisis. In fact, they are like they are going through the terrible 2's.
Yes, he's going to use the divorce card every time you get too close. If you continue to pursue him, he just might file to get you off his back. The more you try to ask question about the relationship, the more the anger will fly and yes, the word "divorce" will come up.
You will find that the less you pursue him and when he does contact you, keep the conversations on a "safe" topic, you'll discover that the anger will not come out to play.
Leave him alone! Keep the focus on you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dear Job, I stopped texting him two weeks ago since he spewing when we had phone conversation, and I came here to find more information. Luckily, you and Cadet jumped and helped ! There are no more talking of relationship. I don't think it's a good idea for me to have dinner at New Year's Eve, I won't go.
Babe, If you don't feel comfortable w/going to the New Year's Eve celebration, then don't go. That is a decision that you and only you can make.
Also, I would suggest that you start a thread in the MLC Forum so that others may jump in and start communicating/posting to you. It helps to have your own thread over there, i.e., just like you have one here. It's easier to refer back to your own threads if you want to revisit the questions/answers that you have at a later date.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I want to mention that a huge mistake I made at the early time of husband's midlife crisis; I encourage him to see a therapist, that therapist have no idea of midlife crisis, the very last comment she ever gave to my husband is - listen to the voice of your heart... and things went wild, husband moved out, he had physical affair with a young woman, or I should say husband's pain is growing to some level that he can not hide from it anymore ?
I just want to tell the left behind spouse - do not encourage your midlife spouse to see therapist at the early time of his crisis.
