Hi job, thank you so much for your reply and advice.
I am going at near running speed all day to keep up with deliveries and am up and down ladders putting excess stock away so I wear trainers, they have a memory foam insole to cushion the impact. At the moment the pain is when I go to sit or stand, really feeling it more after being still for a while. My hands are the worst though - they feel hot and when I make a fist it feels like I am wearing really tight gloves. a couple of joints are starting to look deformed (dr suspects spur growth) and are painful to touch. My job has exasperated it, the repetitive motion of handling small items all day long. The lesson learnt in not to wait so long going to a dr when something is troubling me !!
Good idea re diet, I will look into it. Its all a bit new to me so will need to read up. Just getting my head around it, 45 and my body has had enough already ! I know it means I cant stay in my job, its aggravating it and I need to think of my future, I hopefully still have a few years left in me and would prefer to spend it as active as possible !
As for h, it taken a while for me to see it and I know that you drum it in to us all about zero expectations, but any glimmer of hope he gives does tend to get me going further ahead than he can give me, I do feel this is a normal reaction, we are emotional beings and I would rather feel them than be void of them. He has said he wants me and us and this is what he is working towards so I have to have faith and trust that this is indeed what he is doing and over time this will become evident. It is hard though, he came forward all guns blazing and 6 months later we are no further forward, boy, when you say this re connection process is long you sure do mean it !!
As for g/friend trip. Yesterday I thought, nah, I will go, what the heck. But today, I know that its not the right thing, I worked out how much I need to save for Feb bills without the trip included and like you point out job, what if I have an emergency. Yes they will understand if I don't go and I would not want to hold them back doing extravagant things because of me, I would also feel really bad if they chipped in to help me out; whilst a lovely gesture I am not a charity case, this is my reality right now and they and I have to accept - hopefully one day my position will change. It will be hard seeing all the fun photos they post, but it is what it is.
I have decided though to still take the time off. Its unpaid as I used my holiday up last year, but I feel I need some time off to allow my body to have a break, its telling me it needs it. I have saved enough to cover the lost wage and cover my feb bills, so anything I save from now will be able to go into my emergency pot.
