Ugghhh, have I mentioned this is hard?

[SciDad]

Trumpet,

I'm not sure if she's trying to wean herself off of the OM. It's a very strong possibility, but my wife is being far less open about what's going on in that relationship. I'm probably partially to blame because I told her he was dead to me and that I never wanted to hear his name again. And she knows me well enough to know that whenever I see a reminder of him (gifts he's given us, clothes he gave my wife, pictures) my mind goes to a very dark place that would very much enjoy doing horrible things to that POS. It's just much more complicated because we were close friends for almost 6 years before I found out about the EA. There is much more to them then just the last month or year or however long ago it was when they crossed the line into something other then friendship.

Part of me thinks she is trying to stop seeing/thinking about him and trying to do it all on her own, but without openness I just don't know. I told her that if she chose to end it with him and struggled, I wouldn't be upset. That setbacks/trip-ups happen, and that I would view evidence of contact not as a grounds for ending it all, but rather as points of conversation. Essentially framing transparency and accountability as a tool to help her stick with NC (and not a way for me to control or keep tabs on her). And it bugs me that she is still stubbornly refusing to clearly state to me that it's over between her and the OM. Maybe it's pride, maybe she's embarrassed. Or maybe it's not over. Don't know or really care until she commits to me.

As for your other question, working out together shouldn't be hard. We were doing that last fall. I actually enjoyed it and it guaranteed we both got the exercise we wanted. It might get complicated if we run into the OM (he's also a member and I've bumped into him and his family a couple of times), but I think I'd be able to handle that without any bloodshed