Thanks for that info Sandi2! Please help me out here, am I being to over bering? I don’t think I'm telling her what to do, just trying say what I am willing to do and/or pay for.
I read that section and worked with my IC on boundaries. I’ve set a few more, here are some examples. One thing to note, she has never been a big spender, she has always hated to spend money. Most of her clothing, jewelry, nicer beauty supplies were purchased when I took her shopping or gave her gift cards for birthdays, Anniversary, etc….
I must say this is all very hard for me, I hate feeling like a control freak. 1. She had to get her own cell phone service (she makes about $400 a month so she can pay it) and she did. I won’t pay for her affair device. 2. I took over all bill pay and only transferred money into our joint account for family stuff. I am being fair, still paying for her gym membership, her car, gas, etc… 3. I paid off the balance on her CC (not much) and said all future purchases you want me to reimburse you need to submit expenses. Not telling her what to buy with her CC, just stating what I will to reimburse. 4. I created a spread sheet for tracking all future family finances and working on a budget. We can both view it at any time but right now only I can edit. 5. I’m NOT paying for her trip to Mexico. She got upset about that and said she HAD to go. I only answered, your welcome to go but I won’t pay for it.
These are all on top of the boundaries I’ve set earlier. No Sleeping in the joint bed, No talking on the phone with OM while in our home (I’ve never actually heard her on the phone with him), I won’t pay for her to move out, and the best one for me and kids (plus her) I won’t listen to her spew (she has not done that since I set that boundary 2 months ago).
She has not mentioned moving out or divorce since asking for me to pay for her to move out on Jan 11th.
Last night we sat down to go over bills and get all the account info/bill pay setup from her. She was almost in tears the entire time, started to actually cry a little when I said in no uncertain terms that I was not paying for her trip to Mexico. I feel that if I don’t watch the finances close she will take money out or charge her CC for the Mexico trip. I can’t stop her from putting it on her card but I don’t have to pay for it. About an hour later as I was leaving for the gym (GAL) she asked if I had read that book Conscious Uncoupling, I replied with one emphatic word “Nope”.
I’m disconnecting more and more everyday. My GAL list. Gym every night from 8-9pm, eating right, sleeping great! Reading: No more Mr. Nice Guy again, then Love must be tough, and Paddle your own Canoe Tuesday nights Softball with company team Spending tons of time with Kids, she usually doesn’t join unless is a big friends event
Thinking about joining a mens support group, maybe at my church. Also a flag football league.
Last thing, over the weekend we were are two big parties with our friends 30+ people, tons of kids running around, so much fun! Most of our friends know what is going on and it was very awkward, my WW was flirting with me, trying to sit next to me all the time, following me around, etc… One time, I was sitting in the garage alone eating and watching the game, she came out and sat right next to me. I just got up and went inside to eat, didn’t say a word. Later that evening she left the party for about and hour and everyone asked where did she go, I bet she was talking to the OM.
My friends and family are suggesting I just give up on her, file for divorce and move on. Her best friend told me last week that I could do much better than my W. The wife’s friends all say she never talks to them anymore and they’ve all known something was up with her for over a year.
Why does this all sound so High School? Is it me? Am I getting tied up in the drama?
