Ugghhh, have I mentioned this is hard?

[SciDad]

Update:

My interview happened and I think it went really well. Weird thing is that my wife helped me prep. Ran through interview questions, helped me pick out my clothes. Helped in ways that I'd always wanted, but haven't seen in years. And because it was a long drive to get there she asked me to let her know when I got there because she was worried. WTF? And afterwards we talked for over an hour about the interview. Maybe she just wanted everything to go well so we'd get the bump in pay, but it felt like more. Like she actually cared. But I'm stopping myself before I try to read any more into it - I've already gone to far that road....

Guess what else happened. It snowed a lot. And the roads aren't really very good yet. I did most of the shoveling because my wife got an important phone call she needed to deal with after she said she'd help, but near the end she told me to stop and that she'd finish. So I made a path only big enough for my car to get out and said goodbye to her while was still on the phone. This was a HUGE departure for me - I'd usually finish all the shoveling since I was there anyway, but I thought it was important to let her do a little bit to help. I also never would have left the house without telling her where I was going.

I drove around a little to assess the roads and picked up a few things we were missing from the grocery store. Got back and the shoveling was done, and the kids were playing outside in the snow. Wife had picked up after the kids and was making us a snack. She had been playing tickle monster with the kids earlier (it's a game I usually play with them while she just sits on the couch looking bored). The odd thing is that all this is stuff she hasn't done in a very, very long time. Who says cabin fever is bad?

There were a lot of other details that made the whole weekend surreal to me. My wife barely touched her phone all weekend and we worked more as a team then we ever had. That's not saying much, but why now? We spent almost every waking moment together and it never felt forced. We sat together on the couch while watched a movie with the kids. Had a few deep conversations. Laughed together. It really seems odd that things felt so normal even though she's told me she's still trying to decide if she has feelings for me.

Then again, maybe she separates her feelings of our family life from her feelings of me. It might make sense because I think she clings to the idea that she can't have feelings for me in order to have feelings for the OM. I'm not convinced that she doesn't love me, or that she's rally in love with the OM. But what I think doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is what she believes or what she wants to believe. I'm curious if her actions will change tonight, after she sees the OM at work