It really does sound like XF has an addiction. He probably IS being truthful about loving you and wanting to be with you, but unless he addresses his underlying problems, he is never going to be able to be the man you need and deserve, and is just going to continue to take you down this emotional rollercoaster.
Stepping back from him and letting him miss you is probably going to be your best idea at this point. He needs some motivation to clean up his act, and it's only going to come by being made to face the consequences of his behavior. Like MB already pointed out, validation and compassion are very, very important... If you still want him, you need to leave a path for him to come home, and not make him feel like he is a horrible person beyond redemption for the things he's done. You can still be compassionate and yet refuse to participate in his crazy.
Are you ok? Is there anything we can do to support you?
