The past couple of days have been spent dealing with the practicalities of having my bag and laptop stolen. I feel a bit overwhelmed by all the things I have to do, but am trying to do one or two a day to keep things moving forward.
I'm not sure how much I've looked at the impact on me (but also on the whole DB process) of texting my H asking for his help.
A friend I was speaking to about it last night pointed out that I would probably be feeling much worse if he'd come to help me out, and then disappeared again. I reckon she's right.
I also have slightly conflicting feelings about my ILs having helped me.
I feel overwhelmed at the thought of how much they care for me, and how my MIL doesn't want to lose my respect or friendship (I've worked for her on and off for a good few years now. I don't earn much from my work with her, but I love doing what I do, and the little I earn makes a big difference to me).
I'm also conscious that to let go, I might need to let go of that relationship as well? And not see them or speak to them again?
She knows what has been going on with her son. I was texting her a sort of running commentary of my thought process as I was trying to work it all out in the middle of October.
She's very, very upset and very hurt by what he's done, and is trying hard to reach out to me. I don't know if it would feel like I was punishing her if I cut off contact with her as well? I don't think I could bear that. I hate the thought of hurting someone I care for so much.
But then it's not me that has caused this whole situation? Well, not entirely. Clearly I have some responsibility in my H's feelings, but not the actions that he chose to pursue as a result of them.
And me trying to do anything is me trying to fix things.
And so it goes round and round.
Maybe it's a case of doing nothing is doing something? And of leaving it in the hands of the Gods?
