Hey Bob, I was referring to the post I made on my own thread, it's at the bottom of page 9, about my journaling from 5 years ago. Interesting if nothing else.
As for friends...DB coaches are big advocates on friendship...but Sandi is a big believer in tough love. I love JulieH's post, I'll quote here:
Quote:
I don't necessarily think there are rules to follow. I think when they say NC, it's really just to prevent you from begging and pursuing someone that wants nothing to do with you. Or more to stop pressuring them and let them come back to you on their own because they get the chance to see for themselves what life will be like without you.
Sometimes it is easy to use NC as a way to punish spouse. LBS justify it as "they want divorce, let them see what it will really be like". The coldness, resentment, and anger builds easily this way for both parties. Sometimes the approach works, but I am not sure if it does when there is no active affair.
The DB coaches seem to encourage friendships. Going back to church with wife seems to be a great idea because it is something that can strengthen your bond.
I told my DB coach once "but I won't be friends when we're divorced and dating again", she replied "but you're not divorced, so don't act like you want to be". BUT- that was before I knew XW was wayward too.
Personally if your WAW is in another relationship, I think dim is best. Kids focused. Friendly when you need to have an interaction, but only reciprocating about 80% of what she puts into the friendliness with a maximum based on your boundaries. But no matter what you decide:
-If you choose to be friends, don't be too friendly -If you choose not to be friends, don't be too unfriendly
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
