It is very hard to know how to deal with my Ds. One is a newlywed, in process of buying a house, and working crazy hours at a job she loves; the other is, as I said, fighting issues and trying to get her life back on track. She was my formerly amazing and successful child who described her older sister as a "golden retriever" (friendly, silly and fun)who barely got by in school. Now they've flip-flopped a bit.
Older D was always a daddy's girl (very similar to him in social aspects), but certain choices she made plus my H not even attempting to get to know her fiancee (he actually seemed to judge him quite unfairly)caused a falling out between them before the wedding. When she was made aware of the separation, she was very angry with H. I've pushed her to reach out to him and they are back to having a decent relationship again. She is also supportive of me and checks on me often. But I have to remember she is my D and I can't inundate her with H or R talk...that's her Dad!
Younger D is good at looking at others from a psych point of view, I value her opinions when she is willing to give them. But once again, I can't share too much of the details in this sitch because I don't want them in a more awkward place than they already are. But she observed enough of the change in our R to have an opinion. She wants to "fix" the situation, but also is treading carefully...she's not sure what her place is. And she has her self to care for.
I've always been open with my Ds, and they've always shared (and over shared) with me. As D25 (my serial dater) said when I was being sad one day, "you were always my shoulder to cry on with every break up. I can at least try to be here for you during this". Sweet, but not really a place I want my and H's daughter to be. In the middle, choosing sides.
We were a close family with extended "friend families" until the kids left for school. Now we're in four separate places trying to get by, and we can't even deal with the "friend families" in the same way. We are so shattered, all of us, that our normal togetherness times (holidays, vacations, birthdays) are meaningless.
Sorry to be morose, but it is sad even for adult children. We are their role models in marriage Rs.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
