Still hanging in there - no significant changes...
We're doing "normal" marriage / couples therapy - therapist hasn't called it anything specific. We met together as a couple; she met with each of us individually; and we meet back together as a couple tomorrow to talk about how this will proceed...
W and my schedules tend to be full with our lives and 3 kids, so little time to talk to W, which may be OK given that main reason she is saying she wants separation is space to figure out what's going on in her head. Few talks we do have are about kids and immediate items.
A couple of my kids are having issues. We jointly decided to share with kids that we're starting counseling as it would be obvious we're both doing something out of the ordinary, and we didn't want to have to lie to them or leave them guessing. We did assure them that no decisions (separation etc) have been made, and we'd share with them if / when that happens... My D12 is having a hard time since she has 2 friends - one who's parents divorced 2+ years ago, and its messy ; and another friend who's parents are fighting a lot and talking about divorce once they can figure out logistics & finances... My S16 also is having a hard time though hard to tell if just part of being 16 or my situation...
WAW still talks about wanting separation, though more often I'm hearing paired with maybe she'll discover she's making a mistake, and she's amazed by the changes, and such. I feel my transformation has shaken her belief that she's walking from some bad person, but I guess we still have 20+ years of baggage to work through still... patience...
I've read more books that I've found helpful
Stosny & Love - How to improve your marriage without talking about it. Great discussion on fear & shame reactions, and how to alter within your self so you're actually present to listen to others. I also liked how they framed, for the caveman in me, that if your core values are to be there for your family, you've got to man up and get to a spot where you can listen without anger and shame...
Nichols - Lost art of listening. Most of the way through this book, and it does bog down in a few places on theory, though there are a lot of good strategies on how to hear what others are saying. Its not only helping with my family, I've found it useful in my work in managing my team and dealing with customers...
Trying to stay positive and GAL so that I can be there for my family - if I fall apart it helps no one... Just wish W would stop talking about separation, as I know we'll have a lot of hard work fixing relationship, and I can't talk/think about futures when's she's up in the air about our marriage. Would also make it easier on kids... I know I need to stay patient; keep getting myself to a better place; stick to the DB program; its just [censored]...
