WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE Part II

[trumpet]

Sandi,

I want to go to counseling together. She has a IC session on Friday.
She knows she needs to NC with OM. Complete NC, not like in the past, where it was a half-way attempt. She admitted that not contacting his is hard - she didn't contact him all day Sunday, and wanted to show me. She knows she needs help now - that she can't do it on her own. That was exactly how I felt with my addiction in late October. I couldn't do it alone.

Her hang-up, from what I can tell, was that somehow I would never forgive her for what she did. That my telling her I forgive her was just a lie to get her back with me. I almost laugh at that - knowing what I know now, my forgiving her was dropping my bags, and letting go. Detaching meant I had to move on, and holding the hurt in would just delay me moving on. I was still grieving, esp. on Saturday PM when the house was empty, sans dog. It was tough to hear nothing, no kids - that might be me every other week if we get divorced! But I also knew I was going to be ok. That the new Trumpet was happy inside with himself, so he would move on.

Knowing she cancelled the divorce paperwork shows her commitment - she could keep it open, and I have about another two weeks to respond. I asked her what she wanted to do on Sunday, and told me it made no sense to keep the paperwork open, that she was ready to close that book, and work on us. I'm still planning on meeting up with another lawyer to just make sure I have plans in case my wife goes wayward (aka rogue) and I have to quick pull out the old playbook.

Jumping back into the old marriage isn't an option. I'm still living in the basement for a while. Counseling is needed.
Georgia Bulldog had advice, as a Christian, and for me with an addiction, that being a little more aggressive than others getting a date or two out of my wife in a couple weeks might not be a bad idea. My wife sees that I'm 87 days 'clean'. No porn. She sees how calm I am. How forgiving I am (still, LOTS of hurt - will have to release that in small bits in counseling).
My wife's lawyer will do a stay, stopping things, which lasts about 4-5 months. My wife is willing to do that, or just put an end to it. I told her we'll stop the filing, do a stay, and put in a good 4-5 months of work on us, and then see where we're at. I'm committed, and she is now too. THAT is the change.

Many, including you Sandi, said I'd KNOW when my wife is ready to work on us. She has a complete conviction which I haven't seen in months, heck, even a year or two. That's what I see now vs. what I was seeing in December.

Demanding to have the D completely expunged is what I WANT, but showing her I have concerns, and going slow, means the stay is a better option.

I think she's going to go through withdrawls. I'm a WAY better listener now than 3 months ago, but still need to shut up and just let her talk more than ever.

I've always wanted to go out for sushi with her - never have. I might ask her for a quick lunch date next week. I think that would surprise her, and make her see I'm interested in 'courting' her like I did back in college. No expectations, just some fun with her. She's going out with friends to a movie on Sunday - I'm taking the kids to a college basketball game. Still doing things GAL'ing, working out. Still reading - I have another book coming today!