Hi Anna, Thank you for checking in. I'm doing ok. I have a very supportive, non drinking friend who I spent the weekend with. She helped me realize the anxiety and stress of living in my house with my WXW as she packs up is wearing me out and breaking me down. She recommended I stay with her to get a break. She's right. I'm emotionally exhausted. D4 went to my WXW's parents for a couple days. I'm going to stay with my friend for a couple more days and not go back to my house.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Hey Gang. I need help navigating this email from my WXW. Looks to me like she is trying to document her perception for future ammo. Here's the email "Due to your history of excessive drinking, and inability to perform your responsibilities, I.E care of our daughter, or going to work, I had to ask my parents to care for D4 while I was working Friday, Jan 22 and Sat Jan 23rd. You then relinquished your scheduled parenting weekend of Jan 22-25th.
I will watch D4 on my regular parenting schedule Jan 29-Feb 1. Please note that because I was in fear of our daughters safety and well-being I took responsibility for her on your weekend.
I don't know if D4 will be her Wed Jan 27 or not until Friday Jan 29th. It depends on my parents being able to drive from New Mexico to bring her back. You are welcome to go get her."
Here are my thoughts. 1. The night I got drunk was WXW night. My responsibility for D4 legally begins on Friday at 6pm. She had already had her parents come and get D4. I do understand her concern but to say I would not be able to take care of my responsibility to D4 during my parenting time is completely false. 2. If we are documenting things I believe I should respond with something that says "You're responsibility for D4 while working on Friday Jan 22nd prior to 6pm is your parenting schedule. Your assumption that I would not be able to care for D4 Friday, Jan 22nd, 6PM - Monday Jan 25th 6PM is based off your fear and assumptions. I acknowledge your fear and assumption and agreed to allowing D4 to go to your parents for 5 days. Let it also be noted that due to WXW history with anger and violence I have had to remove D4 from the house on numerous occasions for fear of her safety and well being. As you stated, after your parenting class, you realize this is wrong and are going to work hard to never create conflict in front of the children again. However, this did occur again less than 2 weeks ago. You have also recently stated that you would like us to get counseling because you want us to be better, to be great. I too want this for us and have already begun counseling. I hope you are doing the same so that we can be great."
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Ugh! here is the next crazy thing from WXW that I need help with. I sent her a message telling her D4 needed to be registered for kindergarten and asked her which schedule worked best for her. D4 is already attending preschool at the elementary school closest to the home she has lived in for 3 years and that I am keeping. WXW is planning to move to a city about 20 min away. WXW reply - "We will need to address where D4 is going to school in the fall. I'm happy to meet with a mediator to discuss."
Ugh! I'm pretty sure the courts would rule to have D4 stay in her current school even though its only preschool but seems like WXW is just trying to kick me when I'm down. Trying to cause as much havoc as possible.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
G DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT reply to that email without consulting a lawyer. She is definitely consulting with that wording. She is baiting you into addressing what she says and then will use it against you.
It may cost you money but it is important.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I did reply to the school one and mediation. I said " are you saying you will not agree to D4 staying in the school she is already attending and this must be discussed with a mediator?"
She said "I am saying I am not sure that D4 staying at her current school is best for her. I would like to discuss with a mediator. Things have changed upon discovering that you are drinking again."
I haven't responded yet but I'm thinking "I am not drinking again, currently drinking or allowing it to manage my life. This is a very stressful time for both of us. I have realized I have never learned to effectively manage my feelings and emotions in a healthy way. You recently stated that you would like us to start counseling, to be better, to be great. I have already sought help and began counseling to help navigate this very difficult time"
What does everyone think?
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Face to face is dangerous because I'd rather have things documented. And she can be become very anger and violent. I am also thinking about stating that I have been staying with a friend to remove myself from this stressful environment.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I think things will actually get better for you (pain wise) after she moves out of the house. Living under the same roof after the divorce is crazy! It's like pouring a box of salt into an open heart incision.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
