Never take each other as a given. We both did that. When she strayed I wised up and changed. She didn't respond so I gave up and moved on. That was the thing that got her back, ironically enough, is when I no longer wanted her.
I'm confused Tx. This doesn't seem to match your signature? Which says you are currently together.
I no longer wanted her at the time. I had given up and told her I was filing for divorce. She thought I was bluffing. I wasn't and I filed. The day she got served changed her. All traces of MLC vanished in an instant. All of her insanity, cruelty, stupidity, and self-destructive behavior vanished. Poof. Getting served D papers sobered her up and she realized that her 28 year marriage was going bye bye. I think something that hurt me was being on record for decades saying I don't believe in divorce and that anything can be worked out and that I'd always be by her side. In retrospect those are dumb things to tell any spouse. Why would you give them such a guarantee without any footnotes? There should be an asterisk by the "I'll always stand by your side*"
*As long as you honor your part of the marriage.
Don't ever be a guarantee for anyone. She had the luxury of me being a guarantee. I forced her to choose a life because I said I'm removing your option of the current situation where she leaves me hanging in limbo and miserable while she explores her options.
Bullsh!t. I'd never put myself through that again. You don't get to decide the future of my life. I do.
Anyway, we're still together and really working on everything. Sites like this were very helpful but are not gospel. You take some things from here but some of the advice her may not work for you at all. In my case it was exposure of the affair that gave me my first opening to change the dynamic of the situation. I don't think any marriage/relationship guru has it all figured out or they'd be batting 1000 and none of them are. Pick and choose pieces of advice that works for your situation.
