When the writing was on the wall for W and I, that's what kept me going. I knew that if the big D was in the cards that it would allow me to live my life uninhibited from all of the things that I wanted to do but W didn't approve of.
I dreamt of trips with friends and by myself. I took my kids out and let them experience the world through different lenses (took a TON of pictures). I planned my life around ME, my wants and desires. It was a very empowering feeling.
I asked a buddy of mine that I compete with for a favor right around the time W and I were at "rock bottom." He told me:
"you know, I know she wears the pants in your guys's house, but we miss you, man. You had so much talent and you could've been one of the best. It kills me a little because, selfish or not, I wanted to ride your coattails; I wanted to be there with you when you got to the top and wanted to be able to say that I knew you and I helped you to get where you are."
That statement could've crushed me. I could've taken it as my window had closed and that I wouldn't have that opportunity again, but I didn't take it that way. If things in my M had gone South, it would've given me more opportunity to train and compete than I've had in years upon years; time that I know would put me in a place where I could be the best I've ever been.
A D was going to give me an opportunity to do something I'd only ever dreamed of and I took it as a positive in that light.
It's funny: now that my M is back on track and W and I are in a much better place, I don't have that desire or need to compete because my needs are being met at home now.
Trumpet,
Do that for yourself. Ask yourself what you're gaining by her leaving... A little house, freedom to do and be you... I bet there's a lot of good stuff in that question!!
FYI
I can "feel" that change in you, man... It happened once before and when she said she wanted to come back, it left. I can feel it again... it's confidence and detachment. it's that mindset you need to keep!!
