REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!

[- MB -]

The more I think about the things, the madder I seem to get. I am having a REALLY hard time the last few days trying to figure out how and why I'm making excuses for H and sitting here basically doing NOTHING while he is having an affair right under my nose and isn't even trying to hide it anymore. I mean, why am I acting like it's fine with me for him to take his time and sleep with OW in MY bed while I just sit here and cry. I have NO contact with him at all. No texts, no phone calls, no visits, no accidentally running into each other. I have not seen him or talked to him in any shape or form in almost 3 weeks. Before that, we had our fake "let's get back together" thing for 12 days but before that I hadn't seen or talked to him in 5 WEEKS. He doesn't even have to see me or think about me at all. I am nonexistent to him. He doesn't seem to notice or care that I'm not around. Just makes it easier for him that I'm not. He thinks so little about me now that I have disappeared that he FORGOT to tell OW not to park in the front where her truck would be seen. I just feel like I'm being a good girl and staying out of his way so he will have an easier time doing whatever he wants. Guess I'm just frustrated today. Having a hard time convincing myself that this will ever work. Most people at least see or text their spouses about kids or whatever, I just have zero contact at all....ever day.....for weeks....and it won't end unless or until I go over there. I hear everyone when they say to give him time to miss me, but I already know he won't contact me. When I broke up with him years ago.....it took him 18 years to contact me! Am I supposed to wait 18 years to hear from him again? When I talked to him right before Christmas he said that he thought I was never coming back and that I had moved on without him. So, he was moving on with OW. I really wish someone would tell me what I'm supposed to do. I just can't sit here for months and never here from him ever. Feeling hopeless today.